When Your Energy Changes Daily But Your Business Still Needs to Run | Ashley Carlson

Nikita Williams00:02:42

Welcome to Business with Chronic Illness, the globally ranked podcast for women living with chronic illness who want to start and grow a business online.I'm your host, Nikita Williams and I went from living a normal life to all of a sudden being in constant pain with no answers to being diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses and trying to make a livable income. I faced the challenge of adapting traditional business advice to fit my unique circumstances with chronic illness.Feeling frustrated and more burned out than I already was while managing my chronic illness to becoming an award winning coach with a flexible and sustainable online coaching business, I found the surprising simple steps to starting and growing a profitable business without compromising my health or my peace. Since then, I've helped dozens of women just like you learn how to do the same.If you're ready to create a thriving business that aligns with your lifestyle and well being, you're in the right place. Together, we're shifting the narrative of what's possible for women with chronic illness and how we make a living.This is Business with Chronic Illness.

Nikita Williams00:03:53

I am excited to have Ashley on this show. We are going to talk about a thing I think we all want to do, we all think we should do or be able to do.And it's a slogan that she uses frequently which is that you can do anything, but you can't do everything. So tell us a little bit about you, like how would you describe yourself? Ashley?

Ashley Carlson00:04:19

Yeah, first of all, thank you for having me. Really excited to be here today. So, a little bit about me. I am a business owner.I launched my agency about four years ago and I started this career of remote work when I had my son and really when I think all of my health issues were coming to a head and so I think the, the remote world has opened up such a world of possibilities for me in being able to continue the life I wanted to lead professionally while dealing with what I've been dealing with personally. I live in Southern California and born and raised here.Went away for a while, came back and I, Yeah, I have two kids, are now 7 and 8, which is crazy. So.

Nikita Williams00:05:06

Yeah, well, wow.I think it's pretty cool that you've been doing this for a while and I would say the question I think we have from the get is what do you mean by you can do anything but you, you can't do everything?

Ashley Carlson00:05:24

Yeah. So as I, I always say I'm a recovering perfectionist.

AShley Carlson00:05:28

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:05:29

I think a lot of us are and I think that for me where it really hit me when after I had my son and I was Starting to work remotely part time even.I really expected myself to do everything that I was doing before at 100% capacity, in addition to caring for him 100% and dealing with health issues. Right. And. But like, I never.I didn't slowed down or maybe realize that I can't do all of the same things I was doing, plus all these other new things, and still enjoy my life or still do the things to the full throttle that I was used to doing. And I really realized, it took me a while that I realized I am setting myself up for unrealistic expectations.It's not coming from anyone else except for me. And so I really had to realize I need to realize that I can't do everything that I was trying to do. And I really needed to find a better balance. And.Yeah, so that was kind of a personal mantra for a while.And then when I started this agency four years ago, it's definitely been a mantra for us as a team and with our clients because I think that a lot of people struggle with that and, you know, for whatever reason it is, but I think we all tend to try to do everything that we've been doing in a former season of our life. And then as those buckets get bigger, we get frustrated of why can't we do it at the same level? And it's. I think it just.No, but you don't realize as it's happening until you hit burnout, really. So, yeah, that's kind of what we want to help people do.

Nikita Williams00:07:09

Yeah. I think, yes. Majority of the female entrepreneurs I talk to, we are recovering perfectionists. Like, we're trying to be. Anyway.We're trying to be recovering perfectionist. We're type A. We're very driven, we're very passionate.I always ask this question, and I'm curious how you would respond to this is in the transition of, like, how life changes and like, things change. Right. I know for me, this is still something I work through. Living with multiple chronic illnesses. I started off with none that I knew of really.And then having one and then it double whammy, like having the endo, then having the fibro, and then just in the last couple of years, some other ones and not realizing that those things will change how much I can do in the way that I can do them. Right. Like, and I'm curious to know if, if, like me, I. There is an ego, and it's not even necessarily ego.There is a part of my brain that says, yes, those things are true, that I'm experiencing those challenges. But that shouldn't stop me. Like, I. I gotta prove even more so how I am capable of doing this.I might have to go out of my way to figure out how I'm gonna do it, but I have this determination that I'm going to do it, even though it doesn't make sense that I'm gonna do it the same way I think I should be doing. You get what I'm saying here?

Ashley Carlson00:08:42

Like, yes.

Nikita Williams00:08:44

Have you. Do you feel like for the majority of.For yourself, because we can't talk about everybody, but like, for yourself, do you feel that in the trying to do everything, even when life changed, that it was in a prove it kind of mindset?

Ashley Carlson00:09:01

Yeah, absolutely. And I also think some of it was in a. Almost a denial mindset.

AShley Carlson00:09:06

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:09:06

Of. I think that I also got really used to.To feeling whatever the level I felt, let's say, at 50% battery, I was really used to just operating at 50% battery and doing everything I could at that. And so it was really interesting when, same as you, I got more diagnosis.And like, Now I get IVIg infusions every four weeks and I'm out for the whole Friday, but I still work while I'm getting my infusion.And, you know, I still try to manage and would manage the side effects that come afterwards and all of that, but that has helped me feel better most of the time other than those couple of days. Right. So most of the time now I feel so much better than I used to.And it really made me realize, like, wow, I was really pushing through at 50% capacity. That's. It's wild to me that I was able to accomplish what I could in a day or a week when, you know. So I think you're right. I. It's. I think that I.You just have to realize that 100% of what you've got today might look different than 100% of what you've got tomorrow. And that's okay. And. But I think so I think for me, it was a lot of.And you probably, I think a lot of people feel this way is we don't realize that we're adjusting to living daily with pain or brain fog or fatigue or discomfort in general, and experience expecting ourselves to operate as per usual. And I think that just becomes very difficult to do. And so I have started to try to, I don't know, honor, rest when I can.You know, the other day my husband was home and I realized I'm like, I can't even get out of bed at 6 or whatever. Like I usually can. So I kept sleeping because I'm like, he's got the kids. I'm gonna sleep until my body doesn't need to sleep anymore.And I slept till 7:15. It was just an extra hour, but I really needed that and that's okay. And. But again, it's never an expectation that others have had of me.It's what I've had of me. So I think that we do that unintentionally and it takes a moment of clarity to be like, oh yeah, no.

Nikita Williams00:11:13

It took my therapist to be like, girl, let me tell you how crazy this sounds. Like, yeah, it took my therapist to be like, girl, that is not normal for someone who isn't going through what you're going through.So I just want you to know that's insane.

Ashley Carlson00:11:27

Yes. I actually had a therapist say the same thing to me.Like, you're dealing with a lot and after, you know, you kind of word vomit everything out and you're like, oh, you know what, you're right.And I think that sometimes hearing that from other people allows us to be more gentle with ourselves and like I said, just not push yourself to what yesterday's a hundred percent looks like. It's okay if today's a hundred percent looks different.

Nikita Williams00:11:50

So I think a question I have for you because you run an agency, so you are managing multiple different, in a way, other people's businesses.

Ashley Carlson00:11:59

Yes.

Nikita Williams00:12:00

Along with your own. Right. So it's not like I feel like, especially in a done for you, like, service role as a coach. I have experience with digital marketing.I used to done for you.I personally, when I first was diagnosed with my chronic illness is I thought and felt I had to shift into more of a coaching consulting role because the done for you was very stressful for me. I'm curious, how has that looked for you and your business on both levels of like getting started living, I mean, and also you're a mom.I'm not a mom. I'm a fur mama. So I don't have children on my arms, you know, needing time and space for me in that way.So how have you been able to grow your business with all of those different varying circumstances?

Ashley Carlson00:12:48

Yeah, I think a lot of trial and error, you know, a lot of being able and willing to be to pivot and be flexible and make changes. I think for me, the agency model, it is a lot more work than I think people realize.And what I did early on, which I think is what saved me and my energy and being able to keep going is I quickly realized that agency life is a lot of people management between clients and team members there. Not only does your life happen as someone with a chronic illness and kids and all these things, right? But also their lives happen.And so there's just a lot of managing life happening to all these people. And I'm someone who cares deeply and really wants to jump in and help solve problems all the time.But I realized that was very draining on me to be able to do that in addition to running the business. And so quickly I built a account management team. So they are in part of a small group of team members and their clients.So that way they can do more of the day to day checking in and seeing how, you know, things are going. And then I just get kind of looped into the summary. That helps protect my energy a little bit.I'm still involved, I'm not in the dark by any means, but I don't have to be the direct person anymore. And that has really helped.So I did that pretty early on and now that team has grown and now there's even one more person between me and the account management team. We call her manager of partnership success mops. And so she is definitely like my right hand person.And so for example, last month I really, I was like really struggling with fatigue and brain fog and I don't know what exactly was going on, to be honest, but just, I think all of the things were just hitting me at once. And so I was able to let her know, hey, I've got less of me this week. And so she was able to say, okay, what do you need from me?I'm handling this and this. So I was able to say, okay, she's got it. And if I have to do less and be less checked in this week, it's okay, she's got it.And so I think that building that in as a business owner with health issues, I think is really important. And just in general, honestly, even if you don't have health issues, owning a business is really draining.And so I think that having someone who, you know, if there is a week where you just are like, you know what, I need to do less this week, you just can. So I think that for me, that has been a godsend for me being able to get better at resting because I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying.

Nikita Williams00:15:19

Yeah, no, hear that. It is having a support system, right? A team. And that is important.When you were first getting started in your business, were you like working through your chronic illnesses? Was it new or did it happen while you were building your business?

Ashley Carlson00:15:38

Yeah, it's actually interesting. I have the timing of everything.So I started working solo just as like a freelancer, as a part time EA back in 2017, right after I had my son and I actually had a really traumatic delivery with him. I almost died. I had like pelvic floor issues because of it. I also was dealing. I was dealing, did IVF to get pregnant with him.I had ngo, all of those things. And I think at that point I had, I had a lot of health issues, but I didn't have officially any diagnosis besides endometriosis at the time.And so since I was freelance through basically building my agency is when all of the diagnosis started happening. So, like I had a hysterectomy at one point.I've had so many, just different surgeries and like I said, now these IVIG infusions and all of these things. And so I was definitely dealing with all of this, building the business and having kids while also getting diagnosed with everything.And we all know that all these appointments and tests take up a lot of mental energy that I also feel like, though, that I'm now I definitely am more calm and able to handle the things that life can throw at you because of the fact that all of these things have happened. And I'm just kind of. I am now the person in our family.If someone's ever having surgery or a medical procedure, I go with them because I am the calm in the room. I don't panic. I'm very familiar. I've been asked so many times, are you a nurse?

Nikita Williams00:17:08

Me too. Me too. Ashley. Oh my gosh. I get that question all the time. And I'm like, no, honey, just a lot of life. That's all.

Ashley Carlson00:17:16

I'm like semi professional. Yes. So I think that, yeah, just doing, going through the motions and being.Like I said, I think I all started with everything back when I officially started doing IVF and the infertility treatments without really any diagnosis at that point. But since then that had been 2015, 10 years ago, it's all started to make sense. But it's a journey and it's exhausting and.But you can get through it, right? And it's. I have learned so much about the medical side and also just me as a person. So. Yeah.

Nikita Williams00:17:55

Yeah. I think it's so interesting because when I have conversations, I remember for myself the time when I was in that. I call it like the haze.Like it's the baby phase of like, you don't have diagnosis yet, but you know, something's not right. You know, everything is jacked up and you're in the hospital, you're doing things like you never did ever before.

Ashley Carlson00:18:17

You're an interesting patient. That's the phase of being an interesting patient.

Nikita Williams00:18:22

It's like you're like, great, thank you. Don't tell me that again. Okay. And I remember for myself feeling at points, for me, feeling like I hope that this isn't the rest of my life.Like the not knowing or feeling like I'm pushing through and really hoping that this is not the rest of my life.And while still growing and building a business or doing things that brought me joy, not really being able to create too many systems because for me at the time, things would just change all of a sudden and it wouldn't be anything.So I think the question I have for you is thinking about from like in the beginning stages of this, were there any systems that you tried to build that you just kept being persistent in and it just had to change and shift, or were there things that you had to give yourself permission to just allow to be?

Ashley Carlson00:20:45

Yeah, that's a great question.I think for me, the thing that I needed to do was somehow figure out how to be consistent with client and team relations without it needing to be me all the time directly on.

AShley Carlson00:20:59

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:20:59

And so building out a CRM system that we still. It's not fully automated, but what it does is let me know, hey, here it's time to send this check in email.And there's just a little framework of like, of, you know, we still go in and customize the message, for example.We still want that human touch, but it's not something I have to manage or, you know, like, I don't have to do it that day, it could be done the next day. We also have, we use a project management tool. We now are in ClickUp. We used to be in Asana.And both are amazing and it really helps all, everybody keep accountable. Our phrase of this year is positive accountability in our team.And I think that is huge because I think that all of us just need that positive accountability of, of ourselves and of each other. And so for me, I think just systems that, you know, have clear expectations. It doesn't have to be overly complicated.It just helps you be accountable for maybe what needs to happen that week. And with enough flexibility.

AShley Carlson00:22:02

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:22:03

Not so rigid to where if you are out for the day for health reasons or for whatever, it's okay.

AShley Carlson00:22:09

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:22:10

So I think a good combination of predictability with flexibility is really important. And like I said earlier, just flexibility and being able to pivot is, Is really key.

Nikita Williams00:22:21

Yeah. For someone who is starting, maybe they're starting or they've been in business for a few years and they're waiting to get support.This is something I hear often from folks. They're like, no, I'm not big enough to have support. I'm not like, you know, over here rolling in the dough to have support.However, I think those of us living with chronic illness, I think it's the most, like, the most important thing to have. If you don't have systems, you need a human. Like, you need somebody else. Like.But that's my own personal thoughts, but for you, because this is kind of, you know, this is your lane. What kind of things or what.Yeah, what kind of things would you share with someone who's hesitating on getting the help that they need or support that they need in their life slash in their business? Because, you know, they kind of coexist together.

Ashley Carlson00:23:12

They sure do. They absolutely do. I think that again, just going back to what we said earlier, our.My whole, I think mantra is you can do anything that you can't do everything.So I explain it to people as when you first start your business, let's just imagine there's all these, like, small buckets of where of the things you manage as a solopreneur. And by nature you have to do it all because it is just you and it's just a baby business, Right?But as the business grows, grows, which inevitably it will, each of those buckets gets bigger and bigger, and at some point it's just going to be cut. You can't do all those buckets anymore. And like I said, I reached that point of not knowing why I can't, why I used to do all this.Why can't I anymore, Ashley? Because it's more. Each part of this is more. And so every business owner is going to reach that point.So whether it's before you reach that point or if you've already reached that point, you do need help. And so something that I do is talk with people about what is overwhelming them.I have a worksheet, I have a series of questions that I can ask them to help them identify what should they delegate?

AShley Carlson00:24:17

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:24:18

What should the next team member look like?Whether that is fractional support on the OP side like we do, or if it's fractional support on the marketing side or whatever side of it, I can always help them identify that because I'm really I'm just really passionate about helping business owners not reach for an out, not feel like they have to do all the things that don't spark joy or that they're losing business because they're just spread too thin, whatever it might be. And so I always say just book a call and I would be happy to talk with people about identifying what that next delegation point looks like.And so I mean, like I said, we do, I do strategic planning for people. My team does day to day implementation for clients and there's a whole slew of people in my network who also help in different facet.And I think that you don't need a big budget to get the help that you need because you can find it. And it's just not worth burning yourself out by just for finance.

AShley Carlson00:25:20

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:25:20

Like for financial reasons. Is it worth it then?

AShley Carlson00:25:23

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:25:24

So I think investing a little bit of money into where someone can help take that weight off your shoulders. So that way whatever's left in your day to day, it sparks joy. You're not feeling burnt out.Like that's why you started this business in the first place. Right. So let's get you back there.

Nikita Williams00:25:40

So it's interesting because we're talking about outsourcing, we're talking about asking for help a lot.

AShley Carlson00:25:48

Right.

Nikita Williams00:25:48

And for people who are struggling with asking for help, I think sometimes they, in my experience, from the women that I've talked to, the people that I talk to that have trouble asking for help, there's fears that's there that I don't feel like. They always realize that everyone that is asking for help has those fears, but they still asked for help.So like, what are some of the fears in your journey with chronic illness even that you've had to ask for help for, even with a fear? What was the fear? What were the things you had to work through in order to accept and ask for help?

Ashley Carlson00:26:28

Yeah, I think that I still struggle with asking for help. And it definitely took me until I had my second kid that my daughter that I finally realized, okay, Ashley, get over it. You have to ask for help.You know, that is when it, I realized I cannot do this by myself. We weren't meant to do this by ourselves.

AShley Carlson00:26:48

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:26:49

We are. Human nature is community is. You know, when they say, I realize when they say it takes a village, not just for raising kids, but in life.It really does. It really does. And something that I realized because I also, like I said, struggle with asking for help.And I feel like again, I struggle with, no, I've got This, I'm a very independent, self sufficient person. And so I feel like by asking for help, I'm saying I can't do it right? And that's not, that's just not true. I can, I have the ability to.But it's also okay that maybe today I can't or maybe if I go do this, I might go cry in a corner for a little while because it's just one more thing that I just, I just can't do it today. And so I think it's realizing that of are you doing all these things at the detriment of your own joy? And I started to realize that, that I wasn't.I was so busy doing all the things that I didn't.I wasn't actually, actually enjoying my life that I was working so hard for because I was just trying to get all this stuff done and the list was never ending and it wasn't resting and I wasn't taking care of myself and all of that.So something that someone described to me once that really helped is, Ashley, if someone, if a friend of yours called you and said, hey, I need some help today, would you second guess them at all? Or would you? And I'm like, no, absolutely not. I would be there without question.If I had a friend who called me and just said she's having a hard day and wants to, to talk, I would absolutely drop everything and listen, whatever.You know, there's never been a time where someone I know and care about has asked for help or said they needed me in some way, or if I've asked them, can I do something for you?

AShley Carlson00:28:29

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:28:29

I have never thought negatively about it. So why do I do that when. So I just realized that, you know, I have a great village around me that I'm willing to help all the time.I have to realize that they probably are really willing to help me too. Right?

Nikita Williams00:28:45

So, yeah. So I think I heard in there the fear is that the village won't show up, right? Like they'll think less of me.They'll think I'm not whatever superwoman. Like they'll think, I guess that's the question is like, what has been your fear? More specifically?Like if I do ask for help, what are they going to think of me?

Ashley Carlson00:29:08

I think for me it's more of that. I would feel like it's more of that. Maybe it's my own ego of maybe that I like, no, you're an independent woman. You're fine.You've got this, you know. And so I think for Me, that's. That's been the hardest part, is overcoming my own expectations of myself.

Nikita Williams00:29:28

Yeah. You know, there's a woman I want to say, her name is Christine Hessler. She's a. She has a book called. That talks about expectation Hangovers.And that was one of the first books that I, like, read or coaching. I read or something. I can't remember if it's in her coaching certification or in a book. And I thought to myself, that is a real thing. Right.Like, we put ourselves on some of these. We have these expectations.I mean, if I'm going to get real scriptural, like, real spiritual here for a minute, like, you know, there's a verse that says, you know, expectation makes the heart grow sick. And it's. It makes sense. Right. Like, we're sitting over here trying to.Trying to do all of these things, and then if it doesn't get done, then we're sick and also pissed off. Like, we're also upset. Like, we're also like, oh, my gosh, this is. We should have done this. And to your point about the joy, we lose it.Like, we lose the joy in doing what we enjoy because we're so focused on the expectation.

Ashley Carlson00:30:29

Yeah. I think that I had to redefine what success looked like.

AShley Carlson00:30:34

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:30:34

Like, you have to just redefine that. It's not saying yes to everything and doing everything and, you know, success.Like, I had to realize success doesn't mean, like, I don't have to do the dishes every day. If I go to bed and there's still dishes in the sink, it's okay.Or if there's still laundry that needs to be done, like, it's going to be there tomorrow and I should just rest for 20 minutes or go play with my kids for whatever it looks like. And I think that it's just. It's redefining what success, like, in a day looks like.

AShley Carlson00:31:05

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:31:06

Defining. Sometimes it's just I made it through another day, like, and that's okay. If that is it for today, it's okay. And that.But that was very hard for me to overcome that expectation of myself. And also, like, not. I think I also don't ever want to be a burden on other people. But again, I have to remember.But if someone asks me for help, I never look at them like a burden. It's interesting, the stories we tell ourselves, you know, it really is.

Nikita Williams00:31:34

I'm learning through my own healing through this because it's a big one for me. This is, like, one of the biggest. One of the biggest Things I work through with therapy, through spirituality, like it's a big thing I work through.I, however, am learning that this expectation over what is it? This expectation hangover also is coming from conditioning. It's coming from my growing up and watching and seeing other people.The expectations that either were put on people or that I perceive to be expectations. Has that been something for you that you've been like, oh, this is deeper than just I want. Like, it's deeper than my ego.There is other things that have affected the way I view how I work.

Ashley Carlson00:32:22

Oh, absolutely. I think that I grew up wanting to be like the CEO woman who runs a Fortune 500 company at the top of a high rise building.I for some reason painted that as successful.

AShley Carlson00:32:37

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:32:38

But also being a mom and, and it's just interesting because I'm like that, that's. I was wanting to be two separate people in reality. But I feel like I definitely painted this picture of what success looks like.None of that had to do with someone who dealt with chronic illnesses.

AShley Carlson00:32:53

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:32:54

How do you fit that into those pictures? And I grew up also, I was an only child for 13 years before my parents had more kids.And so I also feel like I was the very first grandchild for years, for those 13 years. My cousins also weren't born until then. So I was the golden child, if you would.

AShley Carlson00:33:11

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:33:11

For a long time. I was the first one to graduate college from my family, all of that.And so I definitely, I still the go to person for our entire extended family of the one who plans everything. I honestly get asked all the time for like big family decisions. Me, I'm like, I'm a grandkid, but I'm like.So I think that I just somehow have always been the go to person, the one who takes responsibility, who has it together and all of that for my whole life. And again, it comes naturally to me and that's okay. But then sometimes I end up realizing that I have way too much responsibility of.And the expectations of what I can get done in a day is just unrealistic. And so I have to. It has been just ingrained in me. Like you said, it's from forever. So it's very interesting.Like I said, I think I just hit a point where I had to just redefine success. Success for myself. And right now, I think I was just telling you before we hit record yesterday, we had an entire day of no plans at all.Not one single plan. And it was my favorite day in a very long time because I just loved being able to do just whatever we felt like doing.And I think that says a lot about really honoring, just for us who deal with these kind of health issues, honoring what you feel like doing that day. If it is rest, if it is work, if it is, you know, whatever, anything in between, I think that it's really important to get.And that is the habit that we should have.

AShley Carlson00:34:43

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:34:44

Of. Of just whatever feels good today.

Nikita Williams00:34:47

Yeah, you know, that's such a good point. And also, I don't know, because I have a lot of these conversations. Ashley, I have noticed many of us, a lot of us are either like the oldest.We are the, you know, typical. The oldest, if not the oldest. We were treated like the oldest kind of big sister, you know, kind of the responsible run. And I'm the oldest.So I always. The thing that I always. I'm thinking about, like, I didn't have my chronic illnesses necessarily until I was adult. Ish.And I personally feel that for me, a lot of the stress of being, being, quote, unquote, the oldest, being the one who knows. And to your point, I used to be that person too, until recently. And I cut that out.I was like, I cannot be the person who everybody goes to for all their stuff at this point. I feel so much lighter that I don't know, like, when it. I find out something like, oh, really? Oh, this is what this feels like.Like, that's where I'm at with my life.But I personally have realized that living with all of that weight, even as a kid, even though maybe I'm predisposed to being able to know and be able to, like, I can naturally, I guess you could say, lead a room or make a decision or seed whatever was happening. Right. That was still a lot of pressure for a kid. Right. So I personally feel like as an adult running my business, it is much more.I have to be much more intentional with my rest. I have to be much more intentional about deciding that I am going to allow myself just to have a day and decide what's going to happen.It's not a natural thing for me to do because of innately, I think there's an aspect of that to me. And also I've put myself in a position where people rely on me, so that's what they need from me. Right.So I'm curious for you, have you noticed a correlation of living with chronic illness, dealing with those things and being like, huh, I wonder if this has something to do with that, you know?

Ashley Carlson00:36:58

Yeah, I 100 agree with you of the. It just kind of happens by. Because it's by nature. It's. We just are that person. And I start like, use.But I think you hit the nail on the head when you said intentionality. That has been huge for me. I have to be very intentional of. Someone invited me on Saturday, you do something on Sunday.And that was my day of no plans. And I said to them, actually, I have no plans and I would like to keep it that way. And I was.I wanted to, like, inside, I was like cheerleader, like pom poms. Yay. You said no. You know, you. That's a big deal. But I had to be very intentional of that because I think that it's. It's difficult because you do.Yeah. I think, like, especially us chronic illness people get it. Your person of yesterday who said yes to the thing today is like, not the same person.

Nikita Williams00:37:48

Not the same.

Ashley Carlson00:37:50

It is. They sometimes times are very different people on the day of whatever you committed to. And so I have to be really aware of that.So I mentioned my infusions earlier. I have to be very aware of the weekends after my infusions, what I say yes to.Because I've learned I end up feeling really unwell and not enjoying my time, being grumpy to everyone around me if former Ashley said yes to that day. So I think just intentionality. And yeah, it is interesting to see this, like, nature of responsible person.I have another friend who also is the oldest and deals with chronic autoimmune things. And it's very interesting. There's gotta be a study.

Nikita Williams00:38:31

There has to be. I'm looking for it. Honestly, I really am. Like, I'm not joking.I've been, like, looking through the N C I H tabula because I do think there is a correlation.But I also think there is as we grow and as we, like, are making decisions in our lives and in our businesses, it goes against our natural thinking when we are doing that. And so I love that you shared. I literally did the same thing recently, Ashley. I had a no plans day. Like, I planned a no plans day.I planned a no plans day. And that weekend, of all the weekends that I did it. And it's not like I get a lot of, like, invites for things all the time.But this weekend I was like, they were coming out of the woodworks. And I was just like, this is a test. Like, this is a test. I must stay with my no plans. Like, you know what I'm saying? And I felt excited about it.But personally, I also felt, like, sad at the same time because it's kind of like that you want to be with people. I think when you live with chronic illness, you have a lot of bad days.Like you have a lot of bad days where you're already kind of modifying and changing.So when you take a day that you choose to be doing nothing and then there's things that are like, oh, other people, you want to do it, but at the same time you need that self time with yourself. And I imagine as a mom, self time doesn't happen that often.

Ashley Carlson00:39:56

Right?

Nikita Williams00:39:57

Right, yeah. So how have you balanced being a mom with chronic illness and running a business?

Ashley Carlson00:40:03

Yeah, that's a loaded question. Because I feel like it depends on the day or the year. But when I had my kids, they're only a year apart.So when they were, and that is when I was working as a freelancer when they were both very little. And for the first few years that was also when they were 1, 2, 3, 4.That was also the time, the years where I was health wise, really struggling and getting my diagnosis. So all those tests, all the time, endocopes. And who knew I had my hysterectomy around that time.I, you know, a lot of just, I had sinus surgery, all kinds of things. And the, all of that was happening at the same time.And actually now that I think about it, I ran, I started my business right around the time where I finally had a lot of my diagnoses. Not all of them because I just got another one last year.But I think that I finally felt like, okay, I know what's going on in my body because I think you mentioned it earlier, the unknown and the. Am I crazy or am I overreacting? It's very difficult to.I start, I started wondering like, is am I questioning, am I like, like, like am I just questioning too many things? Is this normal? And I'm just maybe bringing attention to, you know, kind of.So I think that it's just been very interesting to raise kids and a B and a business and be diagnosed all around the same time.It was actually don't have a finite answer on how I did it, to be honest, but I think I always took it as just one test, one appointment at a time because thinking about all of it was too overwhelming. I also really tried to protect my time with my kids.So for example, we live in Southern California, like I mentioned, and we have a SoCal pass, the Disneyland. And so a couple years ago I booked a the SoCal Pass.And once a month I take my kids, we play hooky from School hooky from work, and we go play at Disneyland for the day.And I need that time to just play with my kids and just, you know, so I just try to, I think, be intentional about making sure, like I mentioned earlier, that I'm enjoying my life, that I work really hard to do right.And I think people with illnesses like us, I really appreciate every day that I feel good and so I want to take advantage of that, you know, and my kids now are at the age where they know mommy's nurse comes every month and they know him and he's great and they know that it's to help keep me healthy and be able to, you know, enjoy. And they also know that if Mommy, like, if I say to them, guys, I'm really not feeling great today, I need your teamwork.

AShley Carlson00:42:43

Right?

Ashley Carlson00:42:43

That's what I try to tell them all the time. I need really good teamwork right now. Because they are seven and eight. They do argue. They do, you know, just bicker at each other or whatever.And so, but those there, there's moments where I really don't feel well and my husband's at work or whatever it is. And now I can say to them, guys, I need your help.

AShley Carlson00:43:03

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:43:03

So it is kind of cool for them to see and sympathize a bit and take, I don't know, responsibility of like, oh, yeah, we've got this, like, they can get themselves ready for bed because I am having trouble.

AShley Carlson00:43:14

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:43:15

Or help clean up the dinner, whatever it is.

AShley Carlson00:43:18

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:43:18

And so I think that it's just being honest with ourselves and communicating it and. Yeah, just one appointment at a time, I guess.

Nikita Williams00:43:26

Yeah, yeah, one day. Like, I was just talking to a good friend of mine.We were talking about, like, sometimes it's depending on where you are in your phase of living with chronic illness, sometimes it's one day at a time, sometimes it's one half of a day at a time, sometimes it's one hour of the day, and sometimes it's one minute of a day. Like, you just have to give yourself permission for whatever that looks like for you.I wonder actually if you've found that the systems you've kind of implemented in your work, have you found systems in your life, like asking for help in other ways, like assistance at home, that has helped you find some more time, more balance with the things that you need support with.

Ashley Carlson00:44:08

Yeah, absolutely. And that's actually like, it's an ever growing conversation with my husband and I. So he works in the studio industry.He works like 80 hours a week he's very not here during the week when he's working. So our we have had really honest conversations again when I realized that I can't do everything. I just can't.And so we've had conversations of, okay, well how can he help? Like, he can't really be here with the kids. What can he do?So he's in charge of emptying the dishwasher when he gets home, either at 10pm or at 4am before he leaves, whatever that looks like, or the trash. And there's little things that he can do even when he's not actually here.Or for example, he's in charge of setting up all of my IV stuff on those days and getting it ready or when he is off work, he is in charge of more stuff.

AShley Carlson00:44:56

Right?

Ashley Carlson00:44:56

It is. Those are the times where I don't have to worry about what's for dinner that day and things like that.And so, yeah, my daughter actually just got diagnosed with celiac disease. So that's been a whole journey as well.And so it's just, it's been really amazing to see like our family come together with family events and our friends, you know, it just again, like leaning on your village and, and just letting them know, like, hey. And they've been reaching out to me like, hey, Riley's coming over for this birthday thing. What can she have?Or what can I buy for her so she feels included. So I think as long as you're just talking to your people, they're going to. They won't fully understand and that's okay.

AShley Carlson00:45:34

Right?

Ashley Carlson00:45:34

Okay. But they will do their best.And it's just really nice to see whether it's my husband here at home, my kids, family, friends, just do the little things.

AShley Carlson00:45:45

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:45:45

That I have. People send me TV shows that I should watch on rainfusion days. You know, little things like that. They're like, oh, you should really.I know you're going to be tied up for five hours. Try this show. Just little things that people, they know that they're thinking of you. And so I think that sometimes is really the.It's the mental load, it's the physical load. And it's also just the heart part.

AShley Carlson00:46:05

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:46:05

Of just knowing that people do care about you.

Nikita Williams00:46:08

So what I think I heard you say really is like, involve your tribe. Like be vulnerable and be open to telling your tribe what you need. Right. Because we can't do it by ourselves.It doesn't, you know, I, I don't have children. I have fur babies. I'm married. I love My husband, and he works from home. So our situation. And it wasn't always like that.He used to work out of the house and had to commute for hours. So like two ways one way and two ways the other way.And when I used to work in corporate, when I used to work in an environment, like if I had to go to the hospital, like my workmates took me to the hospital and my husband would drive down to get there, or sometimes I had friends come, you know, so it's like there is a huge piece of vulnerability that comes in with living with chronic illness. However, do you feel that it is more challenging to be vulnerable in the space of this, or is it more empowering to be for you?

Ashley Carlson00:47:06

I think it's empowering for me personally. I've always been a pretty open book. And I will say that the.What I have realized in not really being afraid of being vulnerable, I have realized how much people appreciate that because they're like, they'll say, oh, I struggle with xyz. And maybe it's not exactly the same, but it's. We all.I have realized we all struggle with something, whether it's a chronic illness, a mental illness, a challenging season in general. Loss, life. Yeah, right. Like anything. And I think just in general showing each other our struggles.Because now in the day where there's social media, we all typically will share because no one's really taking photos of themselves during their hard parts. They're taking photos of the moments they want to remember and that spark joy and sharing those.And so when you're struggling, when you're in a season of hardship, whether it's chronic illness or any of the other things that we just talked about, I think that it's so easy to compare our hard time to someone else's good time on social media. And it starts to feel very isolating, like you're the only one who is struggling.And so by opening up and being vulnerable, it allows and sharing your hard season. It allows other people to share their hard season too, and not going to fix it.But, gosh, it feels really good to know you're not alone and to realize that other people do get it. And again, it also makes it feel a little bit easier to ask for help when you need it. Right?If someone else shares that they're going through whatever and you offer, hey, if you ever need on those days a ride or, you know, let me send you lunch on those days or whatever that looks like, then when you maybe want to ask, you know, it, it really start. Allows it opens up that door for vulnerability, for help for the village to step in when they need. Yeah, that's been really huge for me.

Nikita Williams00:49:00

Thank you for sharing that. I think that will serve someone who's in that comparisonitis cycle. Right. It's so true.If someone were wanting to start an agency and they're currently living with chronic illness right now, what's a piece of advice you would give them?

Ashley Carlson00:49:16

Yeah, it's a big agency. Like I said, it's just a lot of people management. I think for me it is. It has been billing and honoring the flexibility that I know I need.I'm honoring that for our team communication. Team culture is really big for us. Making sure that everyone is feeling valued and heard and connecting, especially if it's a remote agency.Connection is really key and it is doable.And I think just starting, just from the start, the way be really intentional in the way you build it so that you are not needed every day, all the time, because there's just going to be times where you can't, and that's okay. But if you build it in the right way, it's not going to fall apart if you're out for a day.

Nikita Williams00:50:01

Yeah. And I like to ask this question. What's something that you thought was true when you first started your business that you no longer believe is true?

Ashley Carlson00:50:12

Oh, that's a good question. I think that I definitely, at that time, when I started my business, it was like, I feel like I was probably addicted to productivity.

AShley Carlson00:50:24

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:50:24

Of doing a lot of things. And that was successful.

AShley Carlson00:50:28

Right.

Ashley Carlson00:50:28

Of just the more I got done and the bigger it was and the, you know, all of that, whether it was number of team members, number of clients, number of things I got done in a day, I feel like I was definitely that hustle culture equaled success for me and quickly realized that's not the case. And I think that I have definitely now realized that slower is better, less is better. I try to.I mean, gosh, if you saw my calendar two years ago, you would probably have a panic attack. I probably would too, if I saw it. It was just like the more I said yes to, the better, you know? And so I realized I have to build in free time.And if that means going on a walk or it means just getting a bunch of stuff done again, going back to like, whatever feels good in that moment. So I think for me, it is less is better. And not as many people, not as many clients is still really successful.So I think that would be my big difference between Ashley in 2021-2025.

Nikita Williams00:51:34

That's awesome. Well, how can people what's anything exciting coming up for you and your business that you would like to share?

Ashley Carlson00:51:42

Yeah, so I am pretty active on LinkedIn.Ashley M. Carlson is the is this link and then we as a team are active on Instagram so it's elevate VB solutions and then things that we have coming up. Actually it feel like a lot of people could use this.I mentioned it earlier about delegation and identifying what delegate is so important and whether it is personally or professionally, it goes hand in hand. I am now doing delegation workshops once a month. So there's small groups, six people only at max. If there's just one or two, that's even better.But it's meant to I'm going to train. I train on how to delegate successfully, how to identify what's delegate, all of that and then we actually workshop through it together live.So you walk away with that. And it's meant to be more of a workshop style, not webinar. So very interactive.And I'm doing those once a month because I just want more people to be able to realize and identify what they can hand off so they're not feeling like they have to do everything.

Nikita Williams00:52:41

That's awesome. We'll make sure to have that in the Show Notes for folks to check out. Thank you so much for being on Ashley.I so appreciate you telling your story a bit and telling us a bit of, you know, some shifts, reframes if you will, and how we view our productivity and running a business. So thank you so much for your time.

Ashley Carlson00:53:01

Thank you so much.

Nikita Williams00:53:07

That's a wrap for this episode of Business with Chronic Illness.If you would like to start and grow an online coaching business with me, head to the Show Notes to click a link to book a sales call and learn how to make money with chronic illness.You can also check out our website at www.CraftedToThrive.com for this episode's Show Notes and join our email list to get exclusive content where I I coach you on how to chronically grow a profitable.

Nikita Williams00:53:31

Business while living with chronic illness.

Nikita Williams00:53:32

Until next time, remember, yes, you are crafted to thrive.