When Loss Reshapes Everything What Healing Can Look Like Without a Blueprint | Amanda Guin

Hey friend.

This is a really tender, powerful and deep conversation, so I want to give you a little bit of guidance while you're listening to this episode.

We're going to go into deep topics that are heavy around grief, loss, healing and chronic illness.

And yet our guest today so graciously is open to sharing her story.

If you've experienced grief, the loss of someone you love unexpectedly, if you've been carrying anxiety and frustration and you've been trying to cope, this episode is for you.

And I am joined by Dr. Amanda Gwyn, a deeply compassionate emotional intelligence coach who brings both lived experience and deep training and in trauma, public health and mental resilience.

She holds a doctorate in community care and counseling with a focus on traumatology.

And her work is all about helping people navigate the messy, non linear and very real process of rebuilding after life shattering loss.

Amanda has lived through what many of us can't even imagine.

The loss of her daughter, a miscarriage, chronic illness diagnosis, and then later the suicide of her husband.

But what she shared with me in this episode is that coping wasn't enough for her.

So if you've ever found yourself trying to be okay while everything is still aching, if you've ever wondered whether your grief and growth can coexist, if your business, your identity and your capacity has shifted after a loss or illness, this episode is a gentle, honest reflection that you're not alone, that you're not broken, and that there are different ways to move through this time and still keep going.

Not because you're over it, but because you're learning how to carry it.

All right y', all, stay tuned.

Welcome to Business with Chronic Illness, the globally ranked podcast for women living with chronic illness who want to start and grow a business business online.

I'm your host, Nikita Williams and I went from living a normal life to all of a sudden being in constant pain.

With no answers to being diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses and trying to make a livable income, I faced the challenge of adapting traditional business advice to fit my unique circumstances with chronic illness.

Feeling frustrated and more burned out than I already was while managing my chronic illness to becoming an award winning coach with a flexible, sustainable online coaching business, I found this surprisingly simp simple steps to starting and growing a profitable business without compromising my health or my peace.

Since then, I've helped dozens of women just like you learn how to do the same.

If you're ready to create a thriving business that aligns with your lifestyle and well being, you're in the right place.

Together, we're shifting the narrative of what's possible for women with chronic illness and how we make a living.

This is business with chronic illness.

Alrighty.

So I am so excited to have Amanda on the show today.

We are gonna go into a pretty.

I think I feel like when I first started talking with you, Amanda, I felt so much like, compassion and empathy and deepness.

Like, there's so much there for us to go into.

And I think the topic of grief, trauma, healing, loss are all things that we all experience going through, through, or living with chronic illness on top of other things that life have, you know, like, we're going to talk about.

And when they compound.

Right.

When things compound, when you're feeling all of the things and all of the different ways you can feel grief, loss, and trauma.

I'm curious, what has helped, like, what has your journey been when it comes to coping?

And I guess I want to say, like, allowing space for it.

That's a good question.

So I like to say I try not to use the word so much as coping, like, exploring avenues of healing.

Like to use that.

Because coping feels very stagnant to me, and I don't want to sit in that place.

Want to learn, and I want to grow from everything that I've been through and all that I continue to endure.

So some of the ways that I do, I work through all of my.

My trauma and my grief, my loss is through remembering and identifying, through my emotions, emotionally and spiritually, knowing where I came from and loving myself.

So for me, that path has looked a lot of different ways.

But I would say that's more of how I try to embrace the changes that I had to go through.

Just continuing to know that keeping an open heart and making sure my mind shifts with all of those changes.

Like I said, understanding my emotions and being able to adapt.

I mean, just the first two sentences of, like, instead of coping, I like exploring.

I'm like, oh, that.

That is.

I haven't quite heard that before in that way.

Love that.

That place of allowing space for movement.

Why does the word coping feel stagnant to you?

It just.

It feels like it's not so much movable.

And sometimes you can hit these difficult places in your life.

And for me, I don't want that type of movement to create more stress.

And I want it to be more of a place that I can embrace rather than take that technique of just dealing with it and being able to be more mindful of it, being emotionally mindful and open to it.

I like that because I know in coaching we talk A lot about reframing.

We talk a lot about changing, like trading words that don't really serve us, that hit us differently.

Like, for me, one of my words is like, everyone talks about consistency.

And to me, that's just not a word that feels good, but being persistent does feel good.

To me, it ultimately creates.

Right.

Consistency, but to me, that's a better word.

And I, for me.

Right.

So I love that you're.

You're sharing, like, hey, here's another way that you could also view managing, growing through, which is not necessarily coping, but it does create a coping skills by thinking and leaning into that word of exploring.

So I love.

Because that's what, that's what we have to do.

Like, things that help us to move forward is training, you know, trading words, trading things that mean something to us.

So I, I love that you shared that in your journey.

Let's talk a little bit about that for a moment.

Like, let's talk about how you came to realize that.

I prefer to think of exploring over coping.

What led you to coming to that place?

Yeah, so it's been a lot of struggles.

Many years ago, when I was younger, I. I struggled with negative cognitive thinking and questioning my intelligence.

Really, I think that's where it began.

But then as I got older, I started realizing I had chronic physical pain at a young age.

I struggled with menstruation and just consistent pain or passing out.

And it was just.

It was terrible at such a young age.

And eventually I did get diagnosed with endometriosis.

And because of that, I. I was always in excruciating pain for a very long time.

And then I was told by several specialists that, you know, the likelihood of me getting pregnant and having children, after all I've been through and all the surgeries in laparoscopies, that.

That was very unlikely.

Fast forward several years, and I was surprised to find I was pregnant.

In 2005 or 2004, I found out.

And then in 2005, I had my first daughter.

And Jolie was born in 2005 with something called truncus arteriosis.

And my husband and I were left to make decisions on her heart surgery and what to do with that.

After her second heart surgery, we were left empty and broken by the loss of our daughter.

And I began to wonder if there truly was a mom because she was only alive for three weeks.

And then a year later, I had a miscarriage.

I began to wonder if, you know, if I was supposed to be mother.

Motherhood was not striking.

Well, however, I began fertility medication soon after and was blessed to have my son.

And as soon as.

As soon as I was able to start fertility medicine again in a safe zone, then a year later, we were blessed with another daughter.

So I was joyful and excited, you know, by the news of the past that, you know, that that wasn't actually going to happen.

And then on May 9, 2015, my husband took his life 10 years after losing my first daughter.

And while I had went through excruciating physical pain with endometriosis, I never imagined all of the pain, emotional and psychological pain, of losing my child and my husband 10 years apart.

And so that is really.

Is really what set my journey in this life, to really start to wonder what.

What path in life I wanted to take this piece of my journey.

I mean, that's.

I think when we talked about this in our, like, get to know each other chat before this, I was just like, I am so sorry for all of that, all the loss and the.

The challenges that comes with that.

And also I am inspired, but more like curious in this journey of loss and grief that you seem to have found from where we've just briefly gotten to talk to a place of moving through that grief in a way that it hasn't consumed you.

Right.

Because I think, unfortunately, loss is a part of our journey in life and it never comes in a convenient space or time.

And I also feel like those of us living with chronic illness, especially endometriosis, I think the majority of us have been told in some way, shape or form, either you can't have children or it's going to be difficult, or the opposite.

Like, literally the polar opposite of, no, you need to have children so that you can put your endometriosis in remission.

And those strikingly different experiences.

Right.

Kind of crazy.

And I am one of those folks who, living with endometriosis who was told literally both things from multiple doctors.

It's just like, kind of baffling.

And then for me to have the choice later on in life to decide that I wasn't going to have children and come to peace with that, but at the same time, there's still a grieving, there's still a loss of being like, that's not something you're going to have is.

It is one of those contemplative places to be wrapping your brain around, you know, and then just continue to move through life.

And so I'm curious to know, you know, one of the things you mentioned was, like, this physiological and mental pain, right?

And you've Already kind of touched on it.

Like exploring what kind of things that you do or have you been doing to explore soothing or finding comfort or kind finding tools to get to you.

To get to a point that now you, you know, you're starting a business, you a whole.

I mean, some of your.

Your just amazing things that you do is.

Is amazing.

When I was like looking up everything that you do between helping those who are also going through similar loss or challenges or transitions in their life from the healthcare management system to, you know, military suicide, just so many things you've done, you've taken so many things while processing your own grief and loss.

I'm curious to know what tools, what stories, what exploring has led you to being able to live the life that you're living today.

I've also been told all of those same things, so I will identify that.

Yeah.

And having the babies was not a cure.

I still had surgery after that.

Yeah.

Thank you for the question.

Yeah.

So all of the things that I have ventured through is ultimately because of the losses and the pain and knowing that there has to be something on the other side.

And so one of the places I started was, obviously started my academic career and that was in healthcare and understanding the healthcare system more that we all could, but trying isn't that interesting about.

The healthcare system, like to go to school and kind of understand it and still be like, this is still crazy, right?

Absolutely.

I absolutely was doing that in school, going, oh, okay.

And that also changes so rapidly, you know, and then going back to school after my husband's suicide.

So I wanted to learn more about that.

I was not educated in that I understood mental health.

He struggled a lot with post traumatic stress and other difficulties, his past and his military affiliations.

So he had definitely challenges.

So living in that was a struggle.

But I needed to understand myself and why, knowing all the struggles that we've been through for so many years, why I didn't catch that.

After a suicide loss, you have a lot of emotions and one of those is shame and blame.

And those hit me really hard after his loss and just trying to understand how to overcome that, so to speak, because it was almost debilitating.

And so I went back to school to get my master's in public health and I wanted to help communities in the mental health field.

And I also wanted to also understand my own loss.

So that's why I did most of my research was on military suicide.

And then apparently I wanted to go on.

God was kind of pushing me in that direction and I wanted to Learn more about trauma.

And so I went and got a doctorate degree in education community care with the emphasis on traumatology, counseling.

And so I wanted to study trauma in various different avenues and just mental health and suicide, because there's a vast majority of different traumas.

And so absolutely really gave me a larger perspective of what the world goes through, really.

And that has actually led me into going into emotional intelligence coaching because I now want to really help other people understand their emotions because I had such a vast majority of emotions going through.

First my daughters and trying to understand it, and then really the complexity of suicide and my husband's and, you know, and.

And instantly becoming a solo parent.

So, yeah, it was juggling, you know, like anger, annoyance, and then, you know, disgust of what happened and how this happens in the world to joy of watching my kids graduate from, you know, first, second, third, you know, all of the grades.

And then I also had admiration because I'm admiring all these other widows that have walked this journey.

I've also watched so.

And maybe this is why I don't enjoy the word coping, because I've seen so many people cope and then get stuck.

And for me, that's not something that I really felt like was going to be my voyage.

And so through all of these different emotions, I wanted to embrace the growth aspect of it.

And so really, I wanted to come along and not just support myself through it, but support others.

And that's where I became a peer mentor.

And honestly, early on, it was strange that I would literally have people calling me, going, oh, I know this widower, I know this.

Or the suicide loss, and which complete open doors for me to allow people to come speak to me.

But it also helped me realize that I can help others through this journey because I had to remember that my flow isn't going to be the same with everybody else's.

Yeah.

Learning to grow and incorporate all of the pain and all of the loss and realizing that I can transform that into growth was really the thought and behavior that I wanted to put behind everything that I had been through.

Yeah, I mean, I feel I. I find it.

I find it interesting.

And I'm curious too.

You know, you went into.

It sounds like you went into, like, learn it mode.

Like, learn it.

Like grief happened and then there was all these questions.

Was there a long period of time before you moved into, like, let me figure this out.

Was there?

Of course, grieving is not a one and done.

It's over time.

It's happening all of the time.

Right.

But was there after the Initial shock of your loss of your husband and then the culminating of, like, being a single parent.

Was there a time before you're like, yes, I'm going to learn about all of this?

I would, I guess I would say, was there a wallowing in it period for you or was there was just like, no, I don't have time to wallow.

I need to figure out what I'm doing.

Like, what is this?

I did not really have a wallow period.

So when I graduated my bachelor's degree, my husband and I talked about going on to get our masters.

He on the military, had a couple other different jobs and had graduated and became a nurse.

And so he was going to get.

We talked about him getting his master's in nursing, and then I was going to go get my master's.

I was going for MBA to mph.

So I. I ended up sticking with my mph.

The next weekend, my husband took his life and I did not want to let him down.

And so I instantly applied to school.

Now, mind you, I cried a lot during my master's degree because I thought that he was.

We were going to be working on it together.

And I spoke to him a lot to help me get through that degree.

It was difficult, but I went right into it because I knew if I didn't, I didn't know if I would.

And.

And I really needed answers.

That's how I looked at it is I needed answers and I needed a breakdown of why, you know, we just.

We were just talking about our future.

I know I will never get those answers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But for me, it was a piece of reshaping the way I think about it, understand a little more about how I can incorporate my knowledge into my healing.

And that's really the first step that I took was going right into it.

Now, mind you, there was a lot of pieces where, you know, I struggled to.

I had a lot of crying days.

Yeah, of course, I can't imagine not that not being the case.

I was also actually fighting with the VA at the same time.

So I had a lot of research going on.

I had my school research.

I was becoming a solo parent and I was disputing with the va.

So it's a challenging time.

I can.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of moving feelings.

I think I'm curious on, like, based on what, you know, now, I think a lot of us in general, we're dealing with the transition and everything.

I think we struggle with duality.

I think we struggle with the ability to be grieving.

And you Mentioned this earlier, like, be grieving, laughing, and then, like, being disgusted and then being excited for your kids.

Like, you know, I think a lot of us struggle with that.

In your, like, learnings and your own experience, how did you find peace or a level of understanding when it comes to being like, all of this can coexist and I can still keep going.

A lot of it for me as a believer was praying.

I did a lot of that knowing that that would be one big way to combat all the negative connotation that would be thrown at me or the negative thinking that I would be doing myself.

And so I just had to keep that.

That thought pattern of not alone and that God's with me and there's not a specific process.

And so to be gentle with myself and that my emotions are going to help me move in the direction that I'm supposed to go.

And between prayer and understanding that and also incorporating yoga.

I used to do hot yoga a lot back then, and I did a lot of crying on my mat.

There's a lot of matt.

Prayer meditation for me.

And that was a way to find relaxation.

There was a way to engage in my own creative thinking of what's.

What's next.

How can I.

How can I help myself in this moment?

I didn't think back then that I was going to start my own business.

I just wanted to come alongside other widows that had been through this.

Just know that, hey, I'm here for support and how can I help you and what can I do to help you?

Yeah, I think that's where I was then.

Yeah, I love that you shared that point of.

There isn't a.

Like, basically, there isn't a blueprint for how you allow duality, like, how you allow all of these moving parts to be.

And I think so.

I think.

I don't know about you, but I'd be curious to hear what you think about this.

But I find as a coach and having a business and for you, sometimes we do just want the blueprint.

Like, sometimes we do.

Like, clients will ask us, like, hey, just tell me what to do.

Like, I'll get a, you know, a message from a client that's like, hey, this is happening.

I'm feeling all of this, this.

And they're like, give me the framework that you use.

And I'm like, I can share with you what I've done, but it.

It might look completely different for you, and it's not going to feel exactly the same for you.

And I think in.

In reality, we are all looking for this, like, checkbox of, like, how do we get through this?

And we miss that intuitively, our body will tell us how we need to get through this.

Like, our.

Our awareness, our intuition, all of those different things.

We just have to allow it.

But.

But when you're working with clients who.

And I'm assuming this because I've just talked to enough coaches to hear, like, they just want the answer, and you're just like, I gave them the answer, and they're still not experiencing what I experienced.

And we have to explore what that might look like differently for them.

How have you helped, you know, widows in those places or women in whatever area of loss or grief to realize, like, ultimately your.

Your healing is coming within, coming from within you?

Right.

What does that look like when you're helping women in that space?

That's great, because that's exactly what I was about to say, is that the wisdom is within ourselves.

And I just try to help them tap into the emotions that they're feeling and the problem or the challenge or the struggle that they're facing, because it is in us.

It's.

All the answers are within us.

It's just learning or being guided into tapping into what those are.

So I try not to really, I guess, offer too many tools.

I want them to kind of figure out their own.

I'm sure there is definitely a blueprint.

We could all, you know, type it up and say, this is what worked.

And my.

My voyage through all of this is not going to look like anybody else's, and it may not help somebody else that's going down this the same journey.

And so I just like to help.

Come alongside people and help sort of like, filter them through those emotions and realize that, you know, there's always reason for the process.

We can't always see it.

We can't see that big picture.

Remembering that, you know, my way is not always going to be your way, but I want to help people discover that within themselves.

So I think each one of us has our own individual inner purpose.

And just being able to discover that is really what is special and beautiful and being able to empower other people to do that.

Yeah, just what I love to do.

Yeah, I. I think it's.

I.

My.

My best friend, she is a.

A coach who works with trauma, and she's an emotional intelligence coach and cbt, Trauma informed person.

She's got all these certifications.

I always tell her, like, girl, she's like, she reminded me a little bit of you.

When I.

When you came on here, I was like, oh my goodness.

It's like my, my friend is like that.

And something we always talk about is, you know, I think the world wants to define what our trauma is going to look like.

Like I've been really anti big trauma, little like big trauma, small trauma.

And I'm like, I don't think our body knows the difference.

Our body just knows that it's trauma, right?

Like whether it's grief from like a pet passing away, whether it's grief from having a new diagnosis that is completely like unexpected.

I know for me this year I've had multiple diagnoses.

I've had a new one recently that it's the least life altering in most ways, but it's the most hard.

Like it's the.

Been the most difficult for me to process.

Like what?

Like it's a completely different feeling and it feels more groovy than other things that I've experienced.

And I'm like, this is so weird, right?

But, but I say that to say like as you've learned working with people and also experiencing it yourself, is there a difference, is there a difference between, you know, what they call big trauma and little trauma?

Is that even a thing or is that just the way that the world has tried to, I don't know, make it feel better?

I don't understand this logic.

But I'm curious on what you think about this.

That's a good question.

I think there can be some differences in trauma in just how the body reacts.

I think everybody has their own set of big T and little T. I think big T is more like life threatening, right?

And in.

And that can be devastating to the body, to the mind.

That's where I think a lot of people don't necessarily really understand how to get past that event.

And it could be even getting shot.

You know, like somebody coming through, getting, getting shot and realizing that I live through that.

That's, that's, that could be debilitating, but it can also be transformative.

And then sometimes, you know, people then change their whole life.

Little T. I think people, you know, there's always these diagnosis in the DSM that tell us what is and isn't trauma.

What is dsm?

Sorry?

That's the diagnosis book that they use for clinical, clinical diagnosis of like post traumatic stress or other mental disorders.

And so a lot of clinical people will go to that book and look at it and say, oh well, this might be a trauma, but maybe bullying really isn't a trauma.

Honestly, I don't think we're.

We.

Another reason why I Wanted to become a coach because I don't want to diagnose other people's traumas.

I just tell that we face them and how to make it through them.

And so, you know, a large answer of big T and the little T. Yes.

Some can be much more extravagant.

But do I actually know the scientific background of evidence if it relates to the body?

The same.

I don't.

I haven't done enough research in that area.

But I think any type of trauma will affect us mentally and physically.

And I've had a child that has been bullied and we dealt with all of that.

Was it traumatic for her?

Absolutely.

Did it alter a lot of things for her at a very young age?

Absolutely.

So did losing her dad.

So there's a lot of factors that you can play into trauma that you may not see.

The big picture of all of life's events.

I don't know.

I think that might answer a little bit of it.

But I think ultimately our body, you know, kind of like the book the body keeps us for.

Our bodies, our minds, our souls, really know when we're hurt.

And that pain and hurt can alter a lot of things.

Physically, psychologically, emotionally, and even spiritually.

Yeah.

I just don't want to have to tell people, yes, that is a trauma.

No, that's not a trauma.

No.

So I've.

I feel you on that.

I feel you.

Like, yeah, maybe that's why we're coaches, not doctors.

Like, we're like, no, we just want to get to the root of how it makes you feel and how you need to move forward.

Like, that is, that's, that's, that's a beautiful point.

Like, let's help you through it.

It doesn't matter how big or small it is.

It's something that affects you and how can it help you.

So I appreciate you sharing that.

As you've moved into having your own business and dealing with your own trauma and your own pain, loss and grief, how has it been helpful in the process of building a business?

Like, I know this.

I personally feel that business is quote, unquote personal because everyone says business is business.

And I'm like, like, I think there are aspects of business that are actually business.

Business, like a contract, yes, that's totally business.

Right.

But like how we interact with our clients, what we do to market, what we do to sell, like how our values, like that's all coming from a personal place.

Like, that's coming from a values driven place.

And it's also coming from our perspective, is coming from our lived Experiences.

So you've shared with us these, your story of your lived experience of processing and going through, and still going through loss and grief, but also running a business and living with a chronic thing.

Right.

And so I'm curious on how has that shaped how you have decided to run your business?

And is there anything you would give as advice to someone who's in that similar space?

So how it impacts my business is a lot through my empathy for others.

So I know that patience, it takes a lot to be patient and to understand that there's growth, but there's also people who need a little more tender, loving care to understand they have that inner purpose.

And so building a relationship is really imperative to me, knowing that I can be trusted in this process and come alongside you to empower you to be able to move through the process of growth.

Because it is a process and there's not like a standpoint.

It's just knowing that we're all going to get there.

It's just everybody's time is different.

So building my business, Yes.

I am not a business, which is business person.

I'm a person.

And so it probably impacts me some, you know, because I'm still learning the business mindset, so to speak, because I'm more of a people person and emotional person.

And so my love and kindness isn't always the best thing in business when you have to make those definitive answers.

Right.

But I'm learning and I'm growing in that area.

And so your second question was, how could I help other people understand that in harmonizing their business?

I would say, I would say maybe incorporate your own values, what's most important to you and, and how you really want to see it fit into your business.

So if you're not, you know, that contract business, dotted line kind of person, which I'm not, I, I would say that you'll start to learn your flow.

You'll start to understand what emotions you can bring forward and what emotions you might just need to hold on to and maybe process later.

So self awareness is really important when you become a business owner too.

Absolutely.

To also manage those.

Right.

Like, okay, I'm aware of them.

This is hard even when you're coaching and then becoming able to manage those and to become patient even with yourself and your clients through the process so that you can be empathetic, you know, and know that, that you're each going to take something away from the process.

So, yeah, I think that would, that would be it for me.

Yeah.

No, I love this process myself.

I promise yeah, yeah, I think, I think that's, I think I would say when I'm thinking and hearing you, because I know you've just like, as a, like a coaching business, you're just kind of starting in that lane, but you have so much other experience in helping other people, like trend, I'm sure, like move through transitions of loss and grief while trying to find a job or while starting a business.

Maybe like there is giving yourself permission that things of what you thought might look a certain way might feel a different way and might ultimately look a different way because of your loss.

Right.

Because of your grief.

I think that's, that's a hard thing for us to, to accept.

You know, there's, there's a hard place of acceptance when it comes to that.

I'm curious if, if someone were listening and they currently already have a business and they're already doing what they thought they were doing and then they're in that place where you were at one point where it's like this loss unexpectedly happened.

And now I view things differently, I feel about things differently.

You know, some people will wonder, do I just pause everything?

Do I like tear everything down and just figure it out?

What would you share with someone who's in that space, who's trying to figure out this has changed how I view everything or how I feel about everything, what to do or what not to do in that circumstance?

Well, I guess it would be different for everybody.

So for me it would look different from the next person.

And, and I don't think I could go down the path of just saying, you know, go this route, you know, back to the blueprint, go this route.

Because this is, this is what worked for me.

I think it's kind of navigating and embracing all of the changes that you're going through.

And for me, embracing was, was learning.

Obviously that's where I started, you know, started books and courses and just understanding the basics.

I then wanted to incorporate self improvement and what that looked like for me, and that was also change and learning new ways of doing something or understanding something and setting myself goals along the way.

I then had to incorporate that movement because I didn't want all of the pain stuck in my body.

And so I then incorporated physical movement, which was like yoga, Pilates.

I would even YouTube, you know, somatic breath work and get my body moving in the process and motivation, which was more on the spiritual level for me.

I think it's, I don't, I don't have like a, a step by step process for somebody, because like I said, everybody is different.

But being able to embrace the change, being able to reflect on what you've been through and what you're going through, including the pain, including the struggle, sometimes it looks or feels like defeat.

But just reminding yourself that I can get myself back up and I can do this again, even if that's, you know, hey, this morning I'm.

I know something we say a lot is just getting up to brush your teeth during really hard grief days.

That's accomplishment and not negating the fact that small accomplishments will then gain upon each other and you'll continue to grow and you'll continue to incorporate something new and strengthen yourself every day.

So I would say also kind of adapting, you know, adapting to change because that's, I think that's really big for people.

Just change and learning how to embrace it.

Yeah, yeah.

And I, I like how you're saying, like there isn't.

What that looks like for you isn't necessarily the same thing it looks like for somebody else.

However, I do still hear a relatively guide on moving through something like that, which is kind of like a resting period of realizing, okay, whatever this looks like and like identifying what your body or your, what you need out of this, where you want to go with this, and then just really embracing that however it's going to look, it's okay.

There's not a, there's not a right or wrong to your grief.

There's not a right or wrong to the decisions you currently are going to make in that space.

It's just trying to figure out what is good for you.

And I think sometimes that takes permission.

That takes permission to give yourself that space to grieve or to get up out of the bed and brush your teeth.

Right.

So I love that you're sharing like it's going to look different, but it's a beautiful thing to just allow, really.

It's just allowing what is to be and deciding what you're going to do.

Yeah, so.

So I do have like a little process.

So my theory is I, I say apply and ends with an I.

So knowledging, acknowledging where you are, who you are and what you want.

And sometimes it can be really hard even acknowledging the beginning.

Actually an event just occurred or a pain is coming.

It can be really hard.

Pausing to reflect and your intercession, your breathing, just understanding, you know, where you're at purpose.

It's, it's that inner desire, the intention and the direction that you want to go.

And then love, loving yourself unconsciously, consciously and Subconsciously in that process.

And then, you know, as you move through that, then impacting by giving back and uplifting and empowering.

And that's kind of where I find that I am.

Continue to go around the process, I think, you know, and I kind of came up with this because applying yourself is important.

And then being able to give back to those and knowing that no, no way is perfect, but.

And if you have to come back and go back to the start.

I know in my dissertation, so my theory, my dissertation, it was.

It was like this circle that I did a dissertation on.

Suicide, surviving spouses.

But there was always.

There's always a pointing back point where you hit here and you're doing so well and you're growing.

And then an event occurs, right.

You find yourself, oh, no, I'm back at the beginning.

But always know that even when you find yourself back at the beginning, there's still a way to keep moving forward.

And so it was just really beautiful to hear the stories of all the women I was able to interview, their story of reflecting, acknowledging, and then going back and saying, I'm not.

I'm not done yet.

I want to keep growing.

So, yeah, yeah, I love that.

I. I love that.

And not just to kind of bring it into a little bit of a lighter, lighter note.

That's true with Pilates too.

Like, you know, like, have been religious with Pilates and then needed to take a break because of health or life and stuff, and then gone back and afraid, petrified that it will feel like I have never done this before in my life.

Right.

And it's true, it feels like that.

But when you get into it, you realize, oh, it's really.

My body still remembers what this is supposed to feel like.

It still remembers how to do this thing.

There's a song recently that I've been listening to, I think by Helsey or something.

I can't think of who it is actually.

And it's the song.

It's like the theme song, one of the theme songs from the Barbie movie.

I know this is going way.

Nikita's going way over.

Okay, Way on another place.

But it's like there's a line in the song where it's like, I used.

I don't know what it feels to be happy.

I used to know.

I will know, basically.

And I think we in general, with all things in life, when we have to do that cycle and we have to start back, quote unquote, over it, that's the.

To me, for me personally, the starting over at that Very beginning part, again, is the most challenging mental thing because it feels like a defeat.

It feels like you have messed something up and you've already messed up already and you're going to start over and it's going to be so much harder.

But literally, it's just that hump of not allowing that belief to stop you from starting back over.

That's the hardest part, in my opinion.

And so when I'm hearing you say that about those who have some event and something happens and they have to start this process over again, it's just like I want them to also know.

It's like the hardest part is like the giving yourself permission to quote, unquote, start over again.

But in reality, your body will remember what it needs to do.

Right?

And it's like Pilates.

I didn't want to go back to Pilates, but I put my feet in the straps and it's like, oh, we know how to do this.

Like, it is.

Your body will not forget the things that will serve you.

So just sharing that.

Yeah, that's actually an.

Another piece of why I want.

I'm actually going to eventually incorporate Pilates into my practice.

So I'm working on my Pilates right now certification and then incorporate yoga and somatic breath work because I find that all of it is part of the process.

And.

And as you stated, the body knows, like, that comes from the brain.

And I think it's the hippocampus.

It reminds us that, hey, we've been here before for.

And it stores all, all of that to remind us, hey, we can, you know, we can get through this, we can do this.

The amygdala is our emotional part, so they work together to help us remind us.

Yeah, what are those emotions that brought you through and how can you relate back to those emotions so that you can work through the process, even if it's Pilates, it's going, your brain's moving and it's going, oh, it's hard, it's hard.

And then you're going your second or third time and going, oh, yeah.

But I remember this and I did it again and I'm doing it again.

And so that's a significant role of overcoming the fear.

Yeah.

Just not starting again.

So congratulations on that because a lot of people stuck in that and it's a really big challenge.

But you really do you.

That's a process of growth and that's how your brain grows.

And that's another one of my things, is this brain health.

So that's another thing I I like to coach on and in happiness.

I'm also writing a book on happiness.

So just everybody's view is different.

Yeah, it is a beautiful thing.

I tell people all the time.

I have a couple of clients who I think a lot of us focus on grounding, which I think is important.

But I also feel like we need to focus on releasing.

And I find to your point, part of this healing, like the movement, breath work.

Movement is a form of release.

So a screaming and yelling and like.

So movement is a way of releasing.

Grounding is great to kind of recenter and like tell your nervous system, we're safe, we're okay.

But we also store all of that energy energetically and that energy has to go somewhere.

Right.

And so movement is a huge part of that.

So I love that you're incorporating that part into your.

Into your practice or encouraging your clients to do that because that has made all the difference for me.

I'm like not doing it to like lose weight.

I'm doing it to like release.

And also it just makes me feel good.

Like I feel so much better when I have that kind of release.

So it's powerful.

It is.

So what's coming up for you?

I hear you just said you're having a book coming up.

What else is good that's happening and tell us where we can find you, silly.

So, yes, I am working on my book.

It's going to be Happiness is a Facade and growing my business like I said earlier.

So I am working on my certifications for Pilates, yoga and then eventually breath work to incorporate that.

You can find me at www.growwithpurposecoach.com and yeah, so I'm really excited for what's coming up and continuing to grow this business.

Emotional Intelligence is an exceptional piece and I want people to understand their emotions through the pain and through.

Through all walks of life.

Right.

Not just for self, but for r those around us.

But then I also want to help people process the pain or the trauma or the hurts or the grief.

And that's through movement.

So that's why I really want to build the business so that people can get a full understanding of.

Okay, here are my emotions.

This is brain health piece to help you understand what's the best approach to health, where to eat for my brain and then movement.

So I want to incorporate a whole mind, body and soul practice for people to.

To get healed.

I love that.

Well, thank you so much for being on and sharing your lived experience, your story and your thoughts on how we can process and kind of grow and keep growing through the grief and pain that we go through.

So thank you.

Thank you.

I appreciate you having me on.

That's a wrap for this episode of Business with Chronic Illness.

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