Redefining Productivity: How Chronic Pain Shaped a More Purposeful Business Path | Pallavi Pande

If you've been showing up exhausted, pushing through pain and calling it productivity, this episode is your reminder that it doesn't have to be that way.I'm joined by Paula V. A founder, a mom, a community builder who shares how chronic pain, cultural expectations and burnout led her to completely redefine how she runs her business and how she lives her life.We talk about the unspoken pressure to keep performing, strength and even when our body is begging for rest, and what it actually looks like to choose harmony over hustle. This isn't about giving up. It's about giving yourself a chance to build differently. I say this all of the time.We can have businesses, they just might look different than what mainstream says it should look like.So if you've been questioning the pace, the pressure, or the way you've been doing business while living with chronic illness or constant fatigue or constant pain, this conversation will meet you where you are and support you in seeing how you can show up and be different while giving yourself space and grace and maybe even shift what you believe is possible. Let's go. Stay tuned.

Welcome to Business with Chronic Illness, the globally ranked podcast for women living with chronic illness who want to start and grow a business online.I'm your host, Nikita Williams and I went from living a normal life to all of a sudden being in constant pain with no answers to being diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses and trying to make a livable income, I faced the challenge of adapting traditional business advice to fit my unique circumstances with chronic illness.Feeling frustrated and more burned out than I already was while managing my chronic illness to becoming an award winning coach with a flexible and sustainable online coaching business, I found the surprising simple steps to starting and growing a profitable business without compromising my health or my peace. Since then, I've helped dozens of women just like you learn how to do the same.If you're ready to create a thriving business that aligns with your lifestyle and well being, you're in the right place. Together, we're shifting the narrative of what's possible for women with chronic illness and how we make a living.This is Business with Chronic Illness.

I am so excited for this episode of Business with Chronic Illness.I'm having a guest on the show and we're going to talk about lots of different things, but I want you to know that this guest, Pahlavi has already like changed a lot of the ways I think already and I've only talked with her twice and that was just the green screen. And like now please tell us who you are, where you're from and we'll jump into more of your story.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I'm glad to be here. I'm Pahlavi, like Nikita rightly introduced me. Pallavi from my Indian culture actually means leaf.So you can also remember me as Leaf Lady. I am from Portland, Oregon, the beautiful Pacific Northwest. If you've never been here, you're welcome. And if you're planning to let me know.And my business is Detox D T O C S. I love that.

Yeah.The beautiful thing about what I've been researching and learning about you is you've taken something and this is a like a testament to the creativity you bring. I can already tell when I first met you, I was like, she is bringing creativity in the whole different level.And your business, like, literally, I really do think this, your business really is a manifestation of that.I believe, like you said, your company has taken something that you do in your culture to something that is really helping the environment, helping women around the world. You've raised, you know, you've delivered 10 million something plus in tableware units in the US and Canada.You've been recognized as a top business in America. So there's so much that you have done with this creative use of eating on leaves.Can you tell us a little bit more about your business before we hop in?

Yeah, I'd love to. Like you rightly said, Detox, it is the brand name and it echoes with the meaning Cleansing Journey, but with leaves.And if you're wondering why it is because every time we think about cleansing, we always think about inside of our body. And we're very mindful and thoughtful on what we are putting inside our bodies.So I just wanted to go to couple of layers deeper down and I wanted to pass this messaging to the people that we can be cleansing inside, outside. Why not? And it is because I lived with the motto that what is not only on my plate is important, but what is also in my plate is equally important.And that's where I hone into my Indian culture of eating on banana leaves.And that was a piece of my culture I dearly miss after becoming a mom, after raising a family, after living in the US for 19 years and ideally miss that piece. And I was so nostalgic. And that's when I had the aha moment when I was like, Okay, I have 10 years of experience in warehousing and mentoring.I know what manufacturing looks like. I know what wholesale looks like. I know how to find suppliers and vendors because that is something I was Working for in my previous job.And I was like, why can I not create a business for my family where I can utilize all this knowledge and at the same time advocate for something that I believe in, something I grew up with.And I'm so passionate about it that now I want to share this piece of culture of my childhood and my memories with other people who want to perhaps enjoy this experience of eating on leaves or perhaps who miss India and the whole feeling of using your hands and eating on a leaf. And that's how I started my brand, Detox, which was literally in 2019, right.

Before COVID I mean, talk about, take your story and, like, create an amazing experience. It is so amazing to hear you share. Like, it started from this nostalgia, this thing you missed.

And it was also because I host a lot. I forgot to tell you that I'm a fun person.

Yes, you are.

Just from the two meetings we've had, we've had a lot of fun. And I said, I advocate for. Yes, I advocate for People Planet. But at the end, it's also parties that I advocate for.And keeping that cadence, when I used, I still party. So whenever I hosted, I found that there was.There were not very stylish, sustainable options for tableware when it comes to putting on the table, your food on.And there were cheap paper, there were toxic plastics, There are those expensive bamboos, and then there are those heavy, boring chinaware, which I didn't wash the dishes. So if you're the chief dishwashing officer, you got to keep in touch, close friendship with me. That's what my job now is.I am here to give you the convenience of cleanup without the landfill guilt. And that is where my South Asian Indian roots combined with my business acumen, and I was like, let me. Let me start a business.And this brand is something I'm going to offer to the world.

Well, I mean, we could just talk all day long about how amazing this company is and what you're doing, and then I'm sure we'll hear more about it. But also, I know just from connecting with you that you've also done this in the journey of becoming a mother living with chronic illnesses.Like, what has been the biggest thing that has been the challenge for you in this journey, creating this beautiful, fun party life. But what's been the real.

Of course, the world sees the fun part, which is, yes, I love to host. Yes, I'm very happy when I'm doing the parties. But believe it or not, after every party, I actually went to bed crying because Pain.My body was hurting, my back was hurting. And here's the thing with me. I thrive off this energy when it is, when I'm there, but when it's not there, take those people out of my life.Take that fun out of my life. Take those parties out of my life. That's when the focus used to come back to my own body and explain what. I can't do this anymore.It's getting hard and hard. And talk about chronic pains, living with it 247 and feeling it to bed every night.When I used to go to bed, there was my planktophysitis, my pain on the feet or my body or my fibromyalgia and my stress. So I. I was feeling it, and it became so real. And that's when I was like, you know what?Time to make a change, a switch, which is be kind to your own body. Listen to it. It's trying to tell you something. This is the time to honor it before I really die. So that is where the real instances came real.And my kids were like, mom is tired all the time. She doesn't want to hang out. She doesn't want to do that. She has all the energy for our friends to party.And I was like, this is all getting real in my head, and I'm not making this up. This is happening in my life, and this needs to stop.There needs to be a change, a very intentional, meaningful change, and I need to make this more of a conscious living. That's where the whole idea of, like, taking slow and really being aware. I wasn't even aware. I didn't even know something like fibromyalgia exists.Something like depression exists, because all of these words were taboo growing up in the Indian culture, and they were represented for something, and they were segregated and segmented, and we never had that knowledge.

Yeah.

Yeah. There's something that you said when you started sharing this, which was like, I like the parties, and I like showing up for the parties.And then I would go home and be in this pain. I wonder if you could share that duality of the invisible pain, like being in this invisible situation while also building something like this.

So I think it became more real after my kids were born, both of them, And I was moving from Ohio to Oregon, which was 2016, and that was the time when it really shaped my path because I was moving into a different community. I had all the time, and I was focusing more on my health because I knew I was coming out of postpartum depression.Chronic pains like fibromyalgia doctors they told, I have symptoms of that, I have got nerve issues and it aggregates with my stress levels. So definitely like a lot of other women and juggling through a lot of multiple roles. Like you said, caregiver for my kids, caregiver for my in laws.Because our Indian culture, my in laws live with us. Being an entrepreneur of two companies now and that emotional labor, it was very, very intentional.And I really wanted to support my family through lifestyle related health challenges. And that's when I felt the pressure of being that strong mother who can solve everybody's problems. But what if you can't solve your own problem?Then what are you going to give to the others? And that's the mantra, right? You have to be at your best self to give to others.Because if you're not there, if your starting point is not grounded, peaceful, intentional, like on focusing on yourself to make your version the best version to give to others, how can you be, how can you do justice to others? And that's when I learned early on, take care of yourself. Not in a selfish way. Like, I don't need to feel guilty because that's how I grew up.Or even if my mom sees today I'm doing something for myself sitting on the couch and she's like, how can you do this? Are you not, you're not a good mom. And I was like, stop that. First of all, that's the barrier we need to break. That mindset needs to change.And just because you didn't do it doesn't mean I'm not going to do it. But I don't have to follow it because I need to listen to my body. So that shaming needs to stop. It's present.And we don't think it to be abnormal, but it is. When you see from an eagle eye, I don't want my kids to talk to me like that or I don't want to talk like that to my kids, vice versa. Right.So that taught me that I need to just make, well, being a part of my, my legacy, starting for myself, I need to role model it. And that's when my kids will do. And that's how I was like, let's start the hurdles right here from the starting point.

Yeah, I mean, what you just said there made me think what you implemented with acknowledging what was going on, becoming more aware. Also, you made the invisible visible with your boundaries, with your family, with your children. Like it sounds like. I love what you said.And I think we do this all women. And I think especially Women of color, we tend to do all of our best work for everyone else, and we give everyone else the excuse for grace.Trust me, I'm working through therapy myself, Grace and all of those things for others. But when it comes to ourselves, we have that challenge.And I heard you say, you know, even within your, your home with your mom, it's like, hey, no, we're not gonna, we're not gonna do that. We're not gonna reinforce this narrative that I can't have peace and rest for myself.

Culturally, we are taught not to put ourselves first. And that's where that awareness piece comes, that, no, I want to put myself first because I can do this. Now for others, it's the same concept.When you're in an airplane, you put your mask first, right?

Yeah. How has that been a reflection in the way you've built your businesses? Because you have two businesses and they're both.I mean, when I was getting to know you, I was like, your first business is a getting people together, creating community, having parties. And then this product based e comm business, they are, could be considered polar opposites. They're actually very intentionally married together.I wonder, how does that come into play with the lessons you've learned living with your different challenges with chronic illness and just in general, how's that played a role in how you built? Maybe differently than when you've been told to build a certain way.

Yeah. So as a mom and as a founder, I really wanted to create businesses or business that were meaningful to my life. Like that serves me a purpose again.We do businesses for a purpose. Right.My purpose was to have a lifestyle so that I don't have to keep running when I'm 50, so that I don't have to do and stretch my body and listen to it, so that I can take that pause at one point of time.And I think that's where Detox, which is my product based business where I make sustainable tableware out of palm leaves, was really shaped and then came along with that. After fast forwarding the business five years, this is our sixth year, by the way, this is our six year anniversary.

Congratulations.

So fast forwarding five years, this is last year I started my second business where because of my experience, because of my accolades, because of where I had reached, which was a bootstrap, positive cash flow business, profitable business, being a thought leader in the industry, being able to advise and mentor other founders now, being able to win a lot of pitch and grant money, like almost more than 100k, being resourceful, being able to Connect people. That is when the second business was born, which was about Amazon Consulting.Because even today, my bread and butter or most of our consumers, whether they're new, seasoned, veteran customers, they do find us on Amazon. The first thing people ask us, are you on Amazon? They wouldn't have a website, but they would definitely ask us, are you on Amazon?And that is what I kept on hearing again and again in five years. And I kept on telling this to other founders, that no matter how great you're doing as a brand and retail and this and that you need to be on Amazon.Amazon is one of my strategies that worked. And I have plethora of data and I have trends that I've studied and now I can pass that to other founders.That is how the Detox consulting was born, where I was like, okay, now without being an agency, without charging an arm and leg like an agency, how can I be more impactful than agencies really bring something to the table that's unique, whether it's going to D.C. for an advocacy as an Amazon seller, or really safeguarding your tax policies and tariffs, or whether talking about your climate justice, whatever those things are, I can help you tap into those resources.So these five years, I really was tapping into this whole big ecosystem that Amazon has without having to start everything on my own, without having to reinvent the whole wheel. And that's what I advocated for, that every business owner should be there.And that's what I actually I offer in Detox Consulting, which is monthly services where we help people or consumers get on Amazon and sell and grow and scale. And then those were the two businesses. And apart from that, I was still in pain, I was still aching.I still have labral tear on both my hips and I was still functioning all these businesses. And what happened was I was like, okay, I had to lead with something more.And outside of that, I started a community here in Oregon called Portland Brown Mommies. And that group or that communities, it is a private community of moms, specifically South Asian moms, here in Oregon.And it has today 2,000, more than 2,000 local moms. And this is something I started when I had just moved to Oregon from Ohio in 2016.And it had the sense of community and I had to lead it because I was a real person with pains and aches, running life, taking care of in law. So if you think about the lifestyle, this is what generally a South Asian household woman looks like.And I just reflect that as a powerful reminder that if I can do it, so can you. Build businesses, lifestyles Whatever you need. But it's just we need to uplift each other. We need to rise together and we need to share our stories.That was my main purpose because when you share, you give others the permission to share theirs. And that is rebuilding comes together. And that's what I started seeing in the last, what, nine years.We've shared amazing stories of moms who are dealing with X, Y and Z. And it also includes pains and how to deal with mental wellness and health and families. So it's been an amazing journey.

I mean, there's so much there we can unpack.I have a question that just popped in my mind, which is while you were talking, which is within building these different spaces for what you want to create in the world. You know, there's this aspect of having community that's always important. I think within women that's just something we need.But often I think many of us hold ourselves back from reaching out for community in different ways. And because of being in a multi generational household, I grew up that way myself.Like there was everybody in my house, my grandparents in my house, my mom. Like our whole family is multi generational living. That's how I grew up. You, we think that that is our community. Like that's all we have.Why did you feel a need to create something outside of that?

So again, remember I said I came from postpartum depression. I was going through these chronic pains. I could not even stand. I wasn't even happy from inside.So I think I was looking for something which was bigger. It was harmony. I was looking at harmony.Many over hustle and all the time running around which we were taught in our societal, cultural values that you have to do, do, do, do, do. But nobody told us it's okay to take that pause, it's okay to slow down. Those were the things that I had to learn.I had to redo everything that I learned in my culture, scratch it off and then take elements what were important from the culture which made sense and take it from other cultures. Like, no, this is. I'm not being selfish, but I still need to do this for myself. So that harmony was what I was looking for.And you did bring a good thing, which was like a lot of us try to balance a lot of things, juggling all these. And I really never believe in balancing.I have always believed in blending because I see, I saw my mom juggling and try to balance and it was an utter failure because she was in pain. She today, I mean, she's what, 60s? But she still has Pain there. She's gone through so many surgeries, and I'm like, what's the point?So blending as much possible. And some days I'm a mom, some days I'm a CEO, some days I'm nobody. I'm just sitting on the couch. So it's all okay. It's. It all has to be okay.And first it has to be okay with you. And then you train everybody around you to soak it up in that mindset, because when you feel it's okay, everybody has to feel it's okay.But when it's you yourself feeling that person in the room, like, oh, what is that person going to think? What are they going to judge me with? Like, forget it. Like, that's what you need to do.You really need to not have that fear of public, or what are they going to think? Or, oh, I don't know if I'll be able to do not. You just have to be there. You have to just try it before it really hits you hard. Yeah.

Did you experience that fear? Did you experience the fear where you were like, I don't know, what am I doing? Like, how, How. What did the fear look like to you?

I did because I had all these expectations. Like, I got married at a very young age, like 22, so everybody had these expectations on me all the time. And I didn't know that that was not okay.I kept on fulfilling those expectations until it came to my body, until it came to a time when I broke down. And that was too late for me. I don't want that for my daughters.So I really believe in organizing the support system and then just leading other women. And if it has to start with me, I'm not ashamed of sharing my story. I was postpartum depression, severe.I could not even get up from my bed and take a shower. I would stay in my pajamas for three days. I wasn't enjoying life. And then there's no point.But then something changed in my life, and I found that I was pregnant with my second kid. That changed the whole hormones. I got happy. And then that gave me a purpose, a sense of purpose that this needs to change. It did hit me hard.I came off all my medications because I was on some steroids. I was literally taking injection steroids for the pain because I gave up. I gave up on myself. I wasn't ready to even go to the gym or even for a walk.But it all changed because I had to make up my mind when this strengthened my body, got the confidence, and I had to just get out and do it for myself and now my kids and. Yeah, but put yourself first.

Yeah. I mean, like, what was that moment beside. I know. Like, we know.I've had a few women on the show talk about postpartum depression, which is very much a chemical imbalance in our bodies. It's not something that you usually experience outside of postpartum. Right.However, something's very interesting that you said that I've noticed in this conversation about this is that there's a moment of something shifting. Either it was support that someone reached out and, like, showed you, like, hey, I went through this too, and this has changed for me.Or it was a doctor that took you seriously and gave you the support that you needed, or it was a moment in their life that kind of transcended everything, that transformed them into this. Okay, I need to figure this out. Even if no one else is believing what's going on with me. I'm curious to know. What was that? What. What was a moment?Where was the moment for you?

So there were two that I. I remember very clearly. The first one was letting go of the perfections, like, I would not do if I couldn't get them to perfect. Even, like, cleaning, for that matter.Everything had to be shiny, dark, clean, and even. Like, you could call me mental. Like, I lose it sometimes. Not anymore. I used to even, like, it's okay.

If you're still working through it. We all are.

You're vulnerable, and I'm giving permission to everybody to share and listen.So that being said, even, like, a cushion cover, if I put it in a rhombus shape, and if somebody tilts that cushion cover to a square, I'm like, ah, it needs to go back to a rhombus shape. So that's how that is how I was. So I had to learn it the hard way, let go of these perfection moments.And I used to think, everything needs to be polished and clean. And I was like, no, it can be messy, and I am okay sharing it with the world like that.So that took a lot of time and reflection and just in a messy way. And I just started doing more of it, practicing more of it, sharing more of the process and not just the final product.Even today, if my house is messy, I'm making a video, but I don't care. My kitchen is dirty. Fine. But we're having this moment live in the present. And that is when Covid even taught me more of that.Like, you never know what's happening tomorrow. So, you know, just having those people around you, those moments, it, it strengthened my goal.And then I saw this community of women that I built watching those moms in the group called Portland Brown Mommies, or in short we call it pbm, and those moms, when I saw them and when I saw them share their stories that you gave me that power or because I heard you say this or I heard your story, that is what keeps me going, that gives me, that inspires me. And I feel like I have responsibility. And if I can give that confidence to people just by sharing, why not?

I mean, just along, I hope you guys really paid attention to that. There was a lot of vulnerability and a lot of just space of being human and not being perfect.And that it's okay that we ask for help, we seek for help, and we open ourselves up to it. And I think that's what I heard most in that story.How has that same process helped you in building, I'm going to say your empire because I truly believe that's, that's where you're growing with this. But how has it led you to lead differently in a very male dominated space, especially when it comes to E commerce?I feel like it's a very male dominated space. How has that, the lessons you've learned supported you in that?

So I'm definitely inspired by people in general, people who build and who give. So not just building is important, but at the same time giving is equally important.And I think I come across a lot of men and women who are doing this.And especially now, after being in a women community leading the Portland Brown armies, I'm more inclined to, because I've never heard men cheer and talk like this. But that's another fact, right?Women communities, they do end up sharing because they want to learn, they're curious, they want to know, am I alone in this? And that's where the imposter syndrome kicks. Like, you know, what is it just me? Am I the only person? So that's why it's important for women to share.And when I come across these women who are quietly running empires, building businesses, raising kids, organizing communities, it's like such a pump. It's like a boost for my energy.

Yeah, I think you're right. You're so right.My husband personally, like, when we talk about business and I ask him about like, yeah, if you're going to start a business, who you reach out to? And he's like, I don't know, I'm like, you got guys, friends, Like, I have to remind him of who he, he could reach out to.To, like, support him in this. He's like, oh, yeah, I guess. And I think as women, we kind of take that for granted, right?That we kind of innately have, you know, all the people we can reach out to if we wanted to, to share what we're doing, connect with what we're doing.I mean, the reason why you and I are in this chat is because one of my girlfriends reached out to a community I'm not even a part of and was just like, hey, this is a woman doing this thing. And so I think hearing you say, like, again, community is a huge part of this. How has that proved to be profitable for you?

Great question again. And profitable could mean different things to different.

Absolutely.

Well, for me, it means how rich am I in my connections? And I believe it is. My profit is when I'm not in the room and there are other women talking about me, mentioning me, bringing my name.That is my real profit right there. Investment. It could be my investment of time, money, whatever, to generate X. And that X can be however you define your profit. So I feel.I feel that it takes time, definitely. It's not like a wheel that you invented and you roll it and you have profits spitting out.No, it is, again, depending on your vision, depending on the purpose, depending on what you want out of it. It has served me very well because again, like I said, I meet people on the trail and they're like, we know you. We know what you've done.I got the local news channel to come to my home because somebody referred me and said, she's building a community. We want to highlight her in the community. So those are my little wins and profit. So, of course, when you say profit, am I getting money out of it?Oh, absolutely not. It's. It's a community. But am I getting anything out of it in terms of connections, positivity, people trusting, credibility?Yes, all of that is in my profit equation.

Yeah, that's such a powerful thing, I think, especially right now in the season that we are here, let's just say in our locale. Right. I am a true believer, and I feel like this instantly when I met you. I'm like, she gets it.With this idea and belief that community and deep connection, that's not always reciprocated in here's. Here's. Here's my business. Here's my, you know, introduction to this person. Like, that's not always the aspect of building a profitable.Whether it's financially or meaningful. Business comes from this aspect of really connecting with people.And when we're in seasons or times where things are crazy, you know, like, to your point, you have the army, I like to call it the army that's out there talking and sharing your truth, sharing your, your values, your vision, your mission. And that at the end of the day, over time, of course, that adds to quote unquote, your bottom line.But in all of the most important ways, it matters for how you show up in the world, how people view you, and how you are creating that ripple effect for others. And I think as business owners, if you first start getting started, it's kind of hard to see that, right?It's kind of hard to be okay with that because it's difficult. So when you have been mentored or coached and this has, it seems like this is a huge part of your approach of, like, growing in your business.How has it butt heads with some of the advice you've received on how to grow your business?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. All the time. At the end of the day, it's your money, it's your investment, so you get to make the calling.But if you don't even try that path, like a strategy, it will never work. So the only tip is do small experiments, even if you're getting a small tip here and there.And if you're not sure, try it, because that's only how you will learn from it. But again, do a small experiment. And if you know your gut is saying no, it's absolutely your decision to make as a business owner.So, of course, there has been times when the ultimate decision is something I might have not listened or taken, but then that's when those reflection moments are important, and it's just not for your business, but even for your personal growth, whether it's your relationships, whether it's being a mom, your spouse, whatever, those reflecting moments in personal life versus measurements in business life. So different terminology, but thing is, you're trying to get the same result, and in personal life, it's you having those reflection moments.What went well, what didn't, and why. In business, you're looking at your KPI, the metrics, and then you're measuring them. So same analogy, right?You're trying to walk on the path and you're going to do the same outcome, but in different ways. So for those, it could be you sometimes don't listen and sometimes you do. So don't regret.And if you're regretting, which means go back, do point one, and then do it all over again.

I love that. Just like if you are regretting, you can Fix that. Just go back and do like, just do the thing. Like, just do the thing. Test it out.

Yeah. The Cry Game, baby. It's like you're wasting a lot of time on. And that's what I tell my kids. Like, how can you solve this right now?Like, forget about she didn't do this or I didn't get it. I'm like, what is it that you need now? How can we fix, how can we repeat that moment?Or how can we recreate that moment so that you don't have to waste a lot of time again? Because that's a tip I give to everybody. The first best time to do something that you did not do has gone. The second best time is now.

Yeah. You said that to me in our chat and I was like, that is a powerful one for sure. Yes.I mean, how, if you were to answer this question, how has living as a wife, a daughter, a community leader, a multi entrepreneur, CEO, founder, advocate, where do you find the time? And I don't, like you said, I don't like the word balance. I like harmony. Right. Where do you find the harmony and honoring.Hey, I'm having a pain, pain day. I need to shift, I need to do something. Like, how do you honor that while building all of the things that you're building?

So I think the real talk, like, real talk with myself, like, okay, today I'm acknowledging my body, acknowledging the pains that I have. That real talk has really helped to shape my day. For example, say my energy levels are low, I'm not feeling so good.So on my calendar I will only have two things.So literally acknowledging and then acting on that acknowledgement with your actions, whether it's keeping your calendar clean, whether it's okay, I'm going to hold this one hour to step inside my hot tub and take one hour there or go for going for a massage. So it's been very organized for me. And it's not a task, it's like very intentional on my calendar, what I want to do.Or today I'm not going to do anything. Not even cook two meals in a day. We're going to take out. So whatever that that is, that is how I was able to harmonize life and business.

I hear a lot of permission happening. Yeah, a lot of self permission. I think if you, if you were to tell younger version of yourself on this journey, what would you say to her?What would you remind her of now?

Slow down. I only did once I turned 40. I didn't know what it meant.And it's Funny you bring that up, because I just had a call with my mom this morning, and the topic that we were talking about is. So my sister, my youngest sister, my baby sister is getting married this year. Thank you. And her fiance is. He's gone for a spiritual trip for 10 days.And the funny thing is, you just brought this.We were on this call saying, he's gone for 10 days, and my mom is really getting anxious because they still haven't figured out the date of the wedding, which is going to be November. So we have all these months, right? What is it, April today?My mom was freaking out on the call, and she was like, why does he need to go to the spiritual thing? What does it do to him? What is the purpose?And I'm like, you need to stop there because you're not slowing down yourself and you're putting that burden on us. That boundary is very important, and we see it now. Growing up, when I was with her, I never saw it. It never bothered me then.But I'm a different person now because I myself do slow down. I don't put that burden on my spouse or my kids. I have learned that. Slow down. Take that moment.Those breaks, those pauses are so important for everybody. You people around you.

Yeah. So what would you say to the person who is resistant to slowing down?

Well, I tried with my mom. Didn't work. But let's put it out here. So I told her this, mom, you need to put your judgment hat outside of this conversation.Because if I told her, okay, this means finding blah, blah, blah, she'll be like, oh, does he have a problem? Then? So there'll be these conversations, ripple questions and questions.I was like, you need to come out of this outside with a curiosity that, what is this? Start from there. When you don't know about something, you can just jump into conclusions that, oh, this person is doing this, because blah.No, go back those layers deep down. And again, go back to like, what is this? I would like to know more about this. Then I was like, I am the wrong person that you're talking to.Talk to him directly. What does this serve him? How does this her help him? So those are the conversations we need to have. And that's what I would tell my younger self.I'm much more grounded, and I understand all of this now. But again, sometimes I feel we don't have the need when we are young. I didn't.Or perhaps I didn't know it, what I practice now in my life, it's because I hang out with those Women who teach me this or who I see that they practice and they talk about things like this. And now it makes sense to me. So, little younger self.I would just say I wish I had done this when I was a little younger, to be kinder to my body, to slow down, to have a different approach to life, what I have now.But I'm a little old now and I feel I've missed out on those years where I could have been a little more mindful about my body myself, which I didn't get to. So let me love myself more now.

Yeah, I love that. I think you're, I mean, I got married young too. I think we just carried what we knew, right?We just carried what we knew until for me, it was my pain that hit me in the face that said, we have to, we have to talk about, like, why are you in so much pain? It was because we were carrying so much.For me personally, I'll speak for myself, I was carrying so much of the things that my, my history, my, my genetics had been carrying, and it affected my body. And to that effect, it's like, okay, we can't do what they did anymore because we won't make it.So I don't know if you could relate to that, but that's totally worth the moment I had. Just like, no, we can't do it like that.

I totally can. It's like my father has severe diabetes. My grandma had severe blood pressure, like sugar. Like, she used to take injections like twice a day.My grandfather had cancer. So it's always there in my mind that I'm going to die like that or I will have those extra things on my body from the things I already have.So it is really time to pause and really wait for that time when that will actually come and take it with an open heart and be open with that idea. Okay, I might have blood pressure. Okay, I might have diabetes, but am I prepared for it? Am I mentally, physically prepared for it?You know, getting yourself ready for those stages, you really need to slow down.

Yeah, I, I appreciate you sharing that too, because I think we all need someone else to say, me too. Yeah, I get it. I, I know it. I, me too. I, I, I feel that.

But then just being me too is not, is not going to help. That's why we, this, because we want people who are listening to this, go beyond, put that in actions, put that in little actionable steps.Whether it's just going out for a walk in the morning for 30 minutes, start there, like literally tangible Things. That's a question from me to you, Nikita.I know this is your podcast, but how about we ask you, like, what was one change that you did in your life after you realize you have these pains and chronics, or just to have a different mindset or just forget about it?

At one point it was saying, no.

Get rid of this and have a new body. But I can't.

No, it was saying no. It was saying no. It was saying no without guilt.It was saying no just because someone thought they had the right to expect something from me, that wasn't really my responsibility. It was totally saying no. Like, that was the most powerful shift for me. Definitely. Like, nope, we're not doing that. No. Yeah. So I love that question.I liked. I've been testing out some new fun ways to in. In the show with a question or something funny or something real. And I'm so always, like, so deep.My friends joke with me, like, nikita, you're, like, always deep. And I'm like, I know this is who I am. If you had to answer this question right now and tell your past self this, let me know.Okay, so what did you believe at one point was so true. It was fact. This is how life is that you're now like, that is not true that.

Women are the only caretakers, because Absolutely not. Your husband can be a caretaker. Your in laws can be your caretaker. Your kids can be your caretaker.Because we are put on this equation or this wheel of giving, giving, giving, giving, giving all the time. What is not true, or we need to break that circle is we need to be on the receiving end as well.So that being said, it's not just who's the caretaker. There could be other people who could be our caretaker as well. So that means we can be on the giving receiving end as well.Because growing up, that's all I was told, you're gonna take care of this and that and that and this person. That person. And never bothered to ask, who's gonna take care of me.

That's a. That's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah. And I encourage everyone too, who's listening.Like, find areas in your life to ask yourself, is that really true? Like, is that really true?

And also find those moments when you can ask. When you were like, today, you guys have to take care of me. I am not just my birthday, not just my anniversary, but that looks like.So I. I go with my glass of wine in my hot tub, and I'm like, now it's time for me to Take care of myself. So now you guys are all going to cook and take care for me. One of you is going to do the laundry. So whatever that means.Delegating people around you so that you can be on the receiving side. Go do it.

Love it. It starts with us. I love that. To end this. Like, it starts with us taking what we need. Yeah.

Yes. And that's something I learned, actually the hard way, that I used to think I'm gonna change people or everybody. No, we all have to change.That shift has to come from both the sides, but you need to be able to communicate it and talk about it. I had to literally cry down and be like, do you want me to die? Because pain, with the amount of things that I do around, I'm gonna die.I'm gonna literally die. Once I'm 45 or 50, would you want. And I had to make my whole family sit.I had to ask them because I wanted that change, that actionable giving, receiving from everybody, not just me. So it has to be a reciprocative relationship. Only then it becomes easier, because it's a journey, it's a process.Everybody needs to be on the same road, and you need to train everybody.

Love this. Pahlavi, thank you so much for sharing your story, your wisdom, your experience. Anything fun. Coming up.You want everybody to know about how they can support you, cheer you on. You told me something fun. I don't know if that's secret, but.

The fun thing I can add value to our audience here today is keep an eye on. There's something called C0100 awards. That is something that's one of the highest accolades or awards this country gives to small businesses.So if you are somebody who's a small business owner or know of people who are small businesses, the applications will open up soon at the. It's called CEO, the Alphabet CEO. And then the number 100 because it's for top 100 businesses in America.And it is awarded by United States Chamber of Commerce in Washington, D.C. and why I'm bringing this up is because last year my company Detox, was one of those hundred companies in America making a difference, making an impact. And now it's my time to pay it forward. So I'm going to be a judge for this award in 2025. So.Oh, w. And I want to elevate and I want to hear your story. So if people are listening, keep an eye on those awards. Just Google it or we'll put it.

In the show notes too, so you.

Can check it out, connect with Nikita or connect with me. And then whenever those applications open I will put it on my LinkedIn. I want you all to apply and get that accolade so that you can tell your story.

That is amazing. Well, thank you so very much for being on the show. We so appreciate you and can't wait to see how you continue to grow and thrive and do what you do.Girl, girl.

Thank you. I appreciate it.And it's always a pleasure when people invest time in listening, in understanding and it's even more appreciative when people reach out. So that is my only ask. If there's anything that touched your heart, if there's anything you want to share with me and Nikita, please reach out.And I always love communicating two way.

Yes, I look forward to hearing from you guys. You know how to get all of the details you need. They are in the Show Notes.We also have a special something for you from Pahlavi that you will be able to check out. But until next time. Time. See you soon.

That's a wrap for this episode of Business With Chronic Illness.If you would like to start and grow an online coaching business with me, head to the Show Notes to click a link to book a sales call and learn how to make money with chronic illness.You can also check out our website@ww.CraftedToThrive.com for this episode's Show Notes and join our email address us to get exclusive content where I coach you on how to chronically grow a profitable business while living with chronic illness. Until next time, Remember, yes, you are crafted to thrive.