How to Build a Business Around Your Capacity (Not Market Demands) | Gwendolyn Young

Nikita Williams (00:53.802)

I am excited to have Gwendolyn on the show today. As you've just heard, she is the boss. She's great at what she does. And I love talking with women about business with chronic illness, obviously, but burnout and caregiving, if that looks like something. And as women of color, we really don't talk about this. We really like to almost skip over the hard stuff that we're dealing with, that we're experiencing, because you know,

We power through, we do the hard stuff. And I'm always excited when a woman raises her hand, who's like, that's, I have cardiac illness, I'm doing the things, here's what it looks like actually. So thank you for being here, thank you.

Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. I am excited about this conversation.

Me too. So let's get into it. I'm gonna go first place because I'm most excited to go into this angle, which is why is it so hard for us as women of color to talk about or admit that our varying circumstances, whether it's chronic illness, our capacity ups and downs, almost like they don't exist when we come into the business world space.

What is your thought on that?

Gwendolyn Young (02:18.424)

You know, if I have to think back just on just kind of lived experience, right? I think it's culturally for us as black women, right? It's always, we've been the strong one. We've been the capable one. We've been the quiet one or the grateful one, right? It's the persona of never breaking public.

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (02:44.792)

That part.

And so when you shift to having open conversations around chronic illness or capacity limits or something being wrong financially or whatever it is that we need support around, right? It kind of collides with everything that we've been taught about survival and appearances and keeping the look, right?

Mm.

Nikita Williams (03:13.71)

Mmm. Mm-hmm.

And so I think we take that into business with us and it's like, no, you can't talk about that. no, you can't show that because that shows weakness. That shows fragility, right? That shows too much vulnerability and people are gonna take advantage of that or they're gonna look at you a certain way. You're not gonna be able to be in certain rooms, right?

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (03:31.447)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (03:41.975)

Mm-hmm.

And I think that plays a lot into when we come into business.

And you're so right about this. I definitely think culturally, I always like to say we now in 2026 have a privilege in the context of being like, no, I'm not gonna, like, I get to choose how I get to talk about my story and my trauma and all those different kinds of things. But I think about my mom, my grandmother, my great grandma, they did not have that type of.

No.

privilege, right? Like, they didn't have that. I like to say that option really to be like, I have to process my, my, my, my trauma and my like how this is affecting me. Like they didn't have that capacity or even the tools to really do that because we've always been in like that just push, grind, go the superwoman, the Kate, like we are them. however, now I find that we do talk about it, but it's to your point, it feels like often we, we

Gwendolyn Young (04:27.138)

Yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (04:32.738)

Yes.

Yes.

Nikita Williams (04:44.974)

We don't want to admit to ourselves in our own businesses how that actually affects. think the narrative out in the world has put on to a lot of us, like y'all are strong, y'all can do anything. I know it's with chronic illness. Even there's research that says, you know, people of color specifically are stronger and deal with pain different and all of those things, right? But we still deal with pain. We still bleed, you know, every day. And I think we've a lot.

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (05:04.61)

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (05:10.41)

Every day, every day.

I think for me, find myself, I'll say it for myself, I find myself at times allowing that narrative or that kind of just, I'm trying to think of the word, but allowing that understanding to be like, this is why I have to push through. My business can't even show me that kind of flexibility. Nobody else needs to even know that I need this type of flexibility in my business, but I can't operate even like that. And so,

I find that that's the conversation I want people to have more of. It's like, I get not talking about it in public. I get it. It's not easy. It's not easy. But you have to kind of like be aware how you not...

Yeah.

Nikita Williams (05:58.912)

like living in the reality of your circumstances affects your business and how you do your business. how has that looked for you? Like, did you start your business off being like, no matter what's happening on in my business and in my personal life, it doesn't matter. I'm just going to run it. Like all the people say I have to do it by this box. We like to check boxes like three times over. How has that looked like for you?

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (06:19.608)

We do. We do.

So you said so many great things, Nikita. So there's one thing I wanna add to our previous conversation too, right? I think a lot of times we also don't talk about it. And this is from my personal experience is because we as black women are always conscious of how other people who play a part in our story are going to look and be affected, right? And so it's like, I'm gonna hold this

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (06:48.926)

gwendolyn young your admin expert 1 02 19 2026 110946 (06:52.588)

because I don't want so and so to be shed in a light. But girl, that's a whole nother conversation for another dinner.

That is literally a whole nother conversation, Quintin. Like, that's a whole nother conversation. I'm like, what?

Gwendolyn Young (07:08.468)

Yes. So, and to your point in terms of business, originally when I started, was like, yeah, I gotta do it the way that people say you're supposed to do it. But what I quickly learned was what that was doing to me mentally and physically, right? Me not living in that truth of like, this is my reality was causing me more harm, right?

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (07:37.9)

And I wasn't able to grow my business in an authentic way and really move the needle because I wasn't living in that reality. And so for me, I decided the people that are, that are attracted to me, that I really want to work with those ideal clients for me, they're going to be understanding of my reality. They're going to align with that. And if they don't, that is perfectly okay as well. And so for me, it became sharing that truth.

Mmm. Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (08:07.218)

Not all of the gory details of it, right? But just saying, hey, I am a woman, a business owner that lives with a chronic illness. Here is what can happen sometimes. And so I want us to be proactive to prepare for those periods of time. Right. And then I start building my business in a way that would help me to do that for so long.

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (08:29.77)

We were taught you have to build your business around your clients. You have to build your business around the marketplace. You got to build your business. And I was like, no, I'm going to build my business around me. What do I need? And so I started putting systems in place because I know, especially in those first early years of diagnoses, I'm like, I could be out for three days easy.

Yeah.

Yes, me too. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (08:53.558)

Yep. Yep.

So what do I put in place where it still looks like I'm responsive, right? It looks like the work is still getting done, right? Who do I partner with to help me in those critical periods of time? But I made the decision that like, no, I'm gonna build a business around me and what I need versus the other way around.

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (09:17.358)

So such a good point there when you say you built a business around what you needed. Give us an example of like what what is one specific way that you had to do that.

So one of the ways that I did that was I know back to back phone calls, especially early in those years, draining with the fatigue, right? I might need a nap in the middle of the day, right? And so, you know, I'm just being real Nikita. That's what it was. You know what mean? I gotta go lay down in the middle of the day. Like my body is gonna be like, what you doing? Cause you been in this chair for

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

No, love it's hey, yes

Gwendolyn Young (09:59.096)

four hours and now your back is locked up. Like, let's just talk about it. And so what I did was I started to build my schedule. No, I'm not taking phone calls back to back. I'm gonna take phone calls on these specific days, during these specific hours, right? I'm gonna have an extended lunch break. It's on the calendar so I can literally get up. There's nothing to do in that space but to take care of myself, whether that's to take a nap, go for a walk.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (10:09.614)

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (10:26.348)

You know, have lunch because you know us as black women when we're solving the world, we forget to eat, you know, go have lunch like it's on the calendar. And that was a very specific way that I made sure to take care of myself. I also started to build in the things that I needed into that schedule beforehand. So if I got doctor visits, those are going on the calendar first. And I am not overriding them because the client had a last minute, whatever, like

Yes, eat.

Yes.

Nikita Williams (10:49.877)

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (10:55.564)

because my health is important. If I don't show up, yes. And if I don't show up for this, I'm not gonna be good for you for anything else, right? So that was one very specific way that I was able to do that. And then the second way was understanding what minor negotiables were. I had to literally sit down and say, okay, what are the boundaries that you need to have in place? Is that?

Yeah, without you there is no business.

Nikita Williams (11:06.205)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (11:16.494)

Mm.

Nikita Williams (11:23.373)

Yeah.

no phone calls after a certain hour, because let's get real in this entrepreneurship life, especially when you're first building.

yeah, you up all day, all night, answering texts, all the stuff. huh.

That part, that part. And it's like, no, the world is not going to fall apart if you don't answer an email at 8 p.m. Right? The world is not going to fall apart if you don't take a phone call at 8 a.m. Like they can survive for another hour or two. And so understanding like what are minor negotiables and putting those boundaries in place and not being afraid to communicate it.

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (11:52.735)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (12:05.132)

Yes, so, so true. I'm with you. There is no, there is no about what if when you're not going to feel well. It's like the idea that we don't know that we're gonna have things come up. It's just, it doesn't make sense that we would build a business that doesn't include space for the things we know are going to show up.

Yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (12:30.668)

Yes! Yes!

Right? And I have felt Gwendolyn too that the marketing messages we hear often, especially when you're starting or when you're scaling, is that the things that you as a person really need in your life often are said, you just have to sacrifice that for right now.

Yes.

And I personally felt like, that's something I can't afford to sacrifice right now. So how else are we going to do that thing that we're trying to do? And in that context, is there things in your business as you've grown? Because when we first started talking, before we started pressing record, you were like, I'm in the middle of being the CEO, giving things away to people. What has been the...

Yes.

Nikita Williams (13:20.502)

transition or the resistance in this space of being like i know i need to do this thing and it's important so that i don't sacrifice what's important to me what has been like the resisting things in the middle of that

Me.

Ha!

It's me.

but it's always us.

Gwendolyn Young(13:43.52)

It is completely me. It's this thing of, it's gotta be me. The client wants me, right? They don't like, let me let you in on a secret. They don't, they don't. They want the thing done, right? They want it done well. It doesn't necessarily have to be you. It's this thing of, are they going to do it like me, the person that I give it to, right? It's,

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (14:06.702)

you

Mm-hmm.

What does that say about me if I am not the one executing?

Mm. Yeah.

Am I as important in this new space as I am in the old space of the doing? Right? And it's this transition and so many things that I went through of like, I think my identity was really tied to being the doer. Like if we don't talk about it, let's talk about it.

Nikita Williams (14:28.117)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (14:40.494)

Look, that's, that's the look, me and my therapist on a daily. This is a thing. It is, it really is the do. It also has become our coping mechanism. It's our cape. It is our, it is our, like we we've wrapped our resilience in our doing.

It is.

Gwendolyn Young(14:57.016)

Yes! Yes!

Gwendolyn Young (15:04.152)

Yes, yes, yes. Almost as if the resilience was required, right? And it's not. For some reason, we thought that was our protection, but it's not. We can let go. There are people who want to support us, right?

Clients want to be fully supported. And here's the truth of it. Sometimes when we keep ourselves in that place, we're just adding on to the thing that we're really trying to get away from, right? The more doing I'm doing creates more fatigue, right? The more doing that I'm doing is creating havoc in some other place.

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (15:54.722)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (16:03.958)

Right? And so we just continue to, but yes, yes.

Yeah. Because it's taking away. Right? It's taking away from a thing that you actually do need.

Yes. And we continue to betray ourselves in that way because we think that, no, I have to be here. It has to be me. What does that say about me? I don't want to look fragile, right? Because the assumption is, they're going to think something's wrong if I'm not the one doing it. But it's not. It's okay. And so the biggest piece was just dealing with my own mindset.

Mm-hmm

Nikita Williams (16:42.357)

Mm-hmm.

How do I shift away from that? How do I trust the people who are on my team to support me in that way? And what's out there that I'm missing that I really should be focused on?

Yeah.

And once I started to lean into that, I was like, okay, this is scary, but I think I could get used to it. But I'm like, it's so quiet. Like, I'm not talking to the people every day. I'm not like doing all the things. And I'm like, is everything okay? Like, is everything okay? But it is. It is.

Yeah. Yeah. And you know...

Nikita Williams (17:29.026)

that you are giving yourself the space to not know, like, I think we go into these transitions being like, I should know how to be the CEO of my business because I just, you know, became a CEO of my business. Like, no, for like however long you have been, you were like a soul opener, trying to figure it out, all of these kinds of things. And now this is a different skillset. And I think a part of that process is,

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (17:51.437)

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (17:55.01)

Yes.

Nikita Williams (17:58.894)

To me, resilience is going to happen regardless, but it doesn't have to happen. Like you don't have to make it happen by sacrificing things, by creating distrust within you. Like you know what saying? And I think to your point that we have to allow time and space to figure some of these things out. And I think that's hard, right? That's really hard for a lot of us to do, I think with chronic illness.

Absolutely.

Gwendolyn Young (18:27.49)

Absolutely.

How has that looked like? Did you learn this lesson of allowing time to take the time it needs outside of your business when it came to living with chronic illness?

Yeah, I think so. have to say that, you know, my chronic illness was really a driver of like some things you just can't control. I was a born, I like to say born perfectionist. I'm going to blame it on my parents.

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (19:05.324)

You know, this perfectionist, A-type, everything has to be perfect. I need to always be in control, right? And chronic illness taught me you are not in control.

Mm.

Nikita Williams (19:19.553)

Mm-hmm. That part.

You are not in control, girl. And so I learned to adapt and pivot and be flexible and learn that things were still OK. I think there was this fear around, will my clients still trust me with high level decisions? Will they still trust?

Mm.

Gwendolyn Young (19:47.648)

me, are they going to question my capacity or my ability or my expertise because I have this chronic illness and I have to deal with these things sometimes, right? But it really taught me like some things just take time to evolve. And I realized I've never been a CEO before. I started a business, right?

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (20:06.505)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (20:15.399)

Mm-hmm

But when I started that business, was from survival. It was from a need of like, I just left a 15 year corporate career and I want to still contribute to my family, right? I still want to do meaningful work, but I need to do it in a way that allows me to take care of myself at the same time. I don't know what that looks like.

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (20:40.302)

I'd never had a chronic illness before then. I had never run a business before then. I was never a CEO before then. And I think sometimes we come down so hard on ourselves. We don't extend ourselves the same grace that we give to others. And so for me, a huge part of that was my mother, my husband. My mom is like, she's the one that's like, how would you know you've never done this before? And I would be like,

Mmm.

Gwendolyn Young (21:11.106)

That is very true.

Yeah, yeah, I think we...

And so I was like, okay, I have to learn.

Yeah.

I have to learn. And so I committed to learning, right? Researching and realized once I started working behind the scenes in people's businesses, I think this is what really gave me, I don't know the word for it, Nikita, but I think this is what helped me to get settled with it. They didn't know what they were doing either. They just looked good on the front part. And I was like, we all trying to figure it out.

Nikita Williams (21:28.066)

Yes.

Nikita Williams (21:43.982)

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (21:48.489)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (21:52.026)

Exactly. Exactly. Absolutely. Uh-huh. Yes.

So you've got to give yourself grace. You've got to let time, but I think you need to commit to learning, right? And adapting. You're going to learn as you grow, especially if you are a woman of color with a chronic illness running a business. As things happen, you're going to learn, OK, a three-day hospital taught me that, you need to have a system in place for this.

Because if I'm in the hospital for three days, but people are inquiring about working with me. If I go three days without responding, I'm you basically can say that's a that's lost. That's a lost opportunity. And so I was like, I need to have systems in place. So there is an auto responder that responds on my behalf and keep the process rolling right. They can I'm responding. They can schedule the meeting. And then by the time the meeting comes. I'm up and available.

Yeah. Yep.

And so those were the things that time taught me.

Nikita Williams (23:00.206)

Time teaching you. We can't get time back, but I feel like it's a big waste of time if we don't learn from the time we've already had. If you don't look back and filter some of those decisions that's going forward that will affect your time, capacity, energy, then to me, that's truly a devaluing of your time.

Mm-mm.

Gwendolyn Young (23:14.808)

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (23:25.55)

Absolutely.

When I hear you talk about setting up systems and this comes into your world of what you do, right? Like this is what you help people with. When you see people who are in that space of scaling from where they were to where they're trying to go, what are some things that you feel that...

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (23:51.982)

people miss often that needs to be in place for allowing their capacity to grow along with their business growth as well. I find like a lot of people think about capacity so fixed. We hear that a lot in marketing and I'm like, you just need to increase your capacity. I'm like, but that has to happen over time, right? Like it doesn't happen every.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (24:20.206)

It's not a line in the sand that just stays there, right? So when you're looking at people's systems and they wanna do this, what are systems in their personal life that they need to actually also consider in order to see that expansion in their business? That's the question I really meant to ask.

Yeah, I love this question and I love what you said, right? Because what does increase your capacity really mean? And which type of capacity are we talking about?

Okay? I had a whole, I had a whole solo episode on this y'all. Y'all can go check them out in the show. I think it's in the two 10, two, yes girl, we talked about this exactly.

You know what I'm saying? Like, what are we talking about? And so that's the first thing we have to recognize is when I say my capacity, what am I referring to? Right? Because I may have time capacity, but I may not have mental capacity. Right? I may have time capacity, but I may not have physical capacity. This is very true for us as Black women who deal with chronic illness.

that part.

Nikita Williams (25:11.022)

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (25:15.964)

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (25:19.287)

Yes.

Nikita Williams (25:23.278)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (25:29.449)

Mm-hmm.

So I may have all the time in the world, but my body is like, have a seat.

Okay?

My mind is like, you so overwhelmed, what you gonna do? You gonna sit there for 60 minutes staring off into space? Like, what we doing? And so what does that look like? And so one of the biggest things that I see people miss is understanding why am I scaling? What am I scaling to? What are the things in my business that I need to be focused on first, right? How do we operate, right?

Mm.

Gwendolyn Young (26:03.726)

You want to put a process in place, but you don't fully understand it. You don't really fully understand what all goes into it. You have this shiny new syndrome. Oh, so-and-so implemented X, Y, and Z to do their email marketing or X, and Z. But you haven't sat down to look at what that looks like. So you first need to define what are those workflows? How do we work? And then what needs to be put in place?

and looking at it holistically, right? So for me as a solopreneur at that time, it was, okay, what is the goal? I want to be responsive. I want to still move business along. I want to look like a full functioning company that is not solely dependent on me. Like I want anybody on the outside to know that it's just me behind these things doing 55 things. And so it was like, what is the journey

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (26:56.01)

Mm-hmm

Gwendolyn Young (27:01.652)

I wanted the client to have. And I mapped the journey first and then built the process and then implemented the system to go with it so that it worked around where I was going, what I wanted to do and included what I needed in the process. And so we have to do those things. We also have to have conversations. If we're working with teams or partners or whomever, we have to have those conversations with the people

who are actually doing the work. So if you have a team, you can't implement without them. You can't scale without their feedback because you're creating unnecessary stress on the back end and you don't know if they have the capacity.

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (27:48.205)

Mm-hmm.

Right? And so when we look at that, especially when we're adding new clients to the mix, we're talking to our team to say, what is your true capacity? And I'm not just talking about time. Are you mentally able to do this right now? Because some of you are caring for aging parents, right? Some of you have three school age children at home, right? Like what, what is really happening?

Yeah.

Nikita Williams (28:10.125)

Yep.

Gwendolyn Young (28:20.066)

Sometimes it's a personal thing that you're going through. could be finances are super tight right now and that's creating a lot of anxiety. Where are you right now in your real capacity to be able to do this work? And so people need to really sit down and look at your business holistically. Where are the gaps? What is the journey you want the person on the other side to experience and build from there?

There's this thing that I used to hear all the time, Nikita. Success loves speed.

yes. Or another version of it is build the plane as you jump off or something like that. I never I'm horrible at these. Everybody knows it's a thing of I don't know. But it's like something like that, like build the plane as you're like jumping off the cliff or something. And I'm like.

Yes, yes.

Gwendolyn Young (29:12.11)

Yeah, and I'm like.

said it loves it until you crash and burn.

That part, Gwendolyn, that part.

Because you're so busy thinking about speed, speed, speed, you're implementing, implementing, implementing, doing, doing, doing. But the person on the other side is harmed. How is that success?

Mm. Mm.

Nikita Williams (29:38.208)

and the person on the other side is, and so are you. it's equally, y'all both being harmed at this point.

Peace out.

Like, can we just pause for five minutes and think about this? Like, five minutes. Can we just stop and pause and think about what is our true intent and what is it that we really want to happen? And then can we build it? It may take us an extra five days.

Yes.

Nikita Williams (30:09.24)

Yeah.

That is worth it to me, right? If it doesn't create more chaos, more stress, people working for 24 hours straight, which creates more errors, and now they burned out.

Exactly. Or you are ready to burn your business down by the end of it. Or your body says, I can't ever launch or do this ever again. It will literally self-sabotage you from ever accomplishing that big goal that you sacrificed speed for. Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Gwendolyn Young (30:44.012)

I'm like, what is the price we're willing to pay for speed?

Mmm. That is a great question, everybody. Write it down. Great question. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Like, what are we doing?

And so for me, I'm like.

Okay, Lord.

Gwendolyn Young (31:07.758)

You telling me I ain't gonna be successful because I don't move at the speed of lightning? Right? Because to me, there's a difference between being responsive and just like trying to put something out, put something out to keep up with whatever the marketplace is.

Yeah, and I think...

I don't operate that way.

I think the reason why we all like lean into that comes from a space of scarcity. It comes from the space of survival thinking, right? Like that survival mode thinking, that scarcity operation, like that's what that is. And it works until it doesn't.

Mmm. That's good.

Gwendolyn Young (31:50.508)

Yeah, you pay the price eventually somehow.

And I agree with you. I've heard so many podcast episodes and I was listening to older IMOs, the Michelle Obama and her brother podcasts. And they did an episode with Tajee P. Is it Tajee P. Henson? Is that her last name?

Taraji, yes.

Taraji, and they were talking about this concept of working really hard and grinding it out and why mental health just in general in the black community has been such a faux pas and we just grinded hustle and we glorified all of these things, right? But at the same time, we're dying literally from mental health situations and just struggling to live. And part of the reason they mentioned in the episode was

Absolutely.

Nikita Williams (32:45.708)

The world didn't care so we felt like it wasn't important. But that's not what it actually meant. Like our mental health is just as important. Other people just made us believe that it wasn't important. Other people made us believe that, we're stronger and we can push through and we can do all of these things. And what you're experiencing doesn't matter, but they will never care until we care. And...

Bye.

Nikita Williams (33:11.358)

I was like, that's something to keep in mind because your audience in the same thing in your business, if you can't take care of you, how can they trust you to take care of them?

Absolutely.

Gwendolyn Young (33:24.27)

Absolutely and If they don't care that you're not taking care of you They're probably not taking care of themselves And if they are it's probably to somebody else's detriment

Mm.

Gwendolyn Young(33:40.31)

And so it's like I want to be connected to people who share that same value, right? They share that value that rest is important. Right, they share that value that that your mental health and wellness is important. They share that value with me. And and I think once we make that decision for ourselves, that is important. Then it becomes important to the people that we.

Yes.

Nikita Williams (33:58.53)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (34:09.654)

align with and at the very least they learn to respect it.

Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah, I agree. I wonder, Gwendolyn, for you, have you found that this approach, and to me this really is an approach, right? In business, a values-driven business around what we're talking about right now is...

aligned capacity decisions, slowing down so you can go fast, taking care of yourself and rest as a priority, not a maybe suggestion, has either hindered or made it more difficult or made it make you more creative in how you show up and how has that positively or negatively affected your business.

think there's been a little bit of both positive and negative, if I'm honest, right? There have been clients where they're like, you just don't move fast enough for me. Okay.

Nikita Williams (35:12.142)

Mm.

Gwendolyn Young (35:15.734)

It's a blow, but I'm like, do I really want to kill myself for you? Like, are you paying me enough to kill myself? Like, to be like that, right? Like there, I literally had a client one time, Nikita, who said, well, you know, the executive assistants in the startup world that's working with our clients, they respond in five minutes every time they get an email.

Mm.

Nikita Williams (35:21.387)

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (35:25.07)

Mm.

Gwendolyn Young (35:44.366)

And I said, that's amazing. I did. I said, that is amazing. I said, and they're being paid 90 to $120,000 a year and they have one person to focus on. So that is perfect. I said, that is not how I work. And if that is what you need, then you can pay me $125,000 a year.

That's such an awesome response!

Nikita Williams (36:01.646)

Mmm. Yes.

Mm.

Gwendolyn Young (36:15.206)

Or we can just call it quits and you can go find the person who will do that for you. And he was just like, did she really just say that to me? And so it was a, that was a negative and a positive, right? It was scary to say that I had never, I guess so-called fired a client before, but it wasn't worth it. could feel the stress in my body.

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (36:26.638)

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (36:31.766)

Yeah, I'm sure.

Nikita Williams (36:37.955)

Mm.

Gwendolyn Young (36:42.368)

Every time I got an email, every time I got a phone call, my body would just be like, my gosh, right? And then I was working from this place of constant fear and second guessing myself, am I moving fast enough? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I can't, like, this is just adding on to everything else that I got going on and I can't do it. But the stronger I got in

recognizing that and putting those boundaries in place, I started to get clients who were aligned and it's been amazing, right? And they're like, no, you need to take the time. I just had a client just came back from Cursat. I was getting ready to leave. I'm like, okay, let's make sure you got all your things together. And she was like, girl, go be on vacation. She's like, don't think about me. Like, don't call me.

She was like, don't text me. She was like, I'm going be okay until you come back. Right. And now I have a whole roster of clients who are like, you're to be gone. Cool. I'll see you when you get back. And so I think it's a matter of knowing what we need, right. Being courageous enough to hold the line with our boundaries and clearly communicating that with our, our people.

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (38:00.436)

Ooh. Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (38:06.028)

Right? So you put things in place to help make it easier. Right? You know, we do quarterly reminders. Remember, Gwen's gonna be gone and so on. So, right, if you need something, get it to her by X, Y, and Z deadline. Right? So you put those things in place, but I released the fear of that. Like people are not going to want to work with me. I released the fear of like, I'm not going to be able to do like, I just released the fear and I'm like,

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (38:34.88)

Either we can work together because what I'm not saying is that I'm not going to serve you well. What I'm saying is I will serve you better if you allow me the space to rest and do what I need to do to take care of

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And so it became easier for me. And so I started to turn those boundaries into official processes and systems, right? It's in our onboarding welcome email. Hey, we want to let you know we observe every federal holiday. Don't look for us. Right? Hey, at the end of the year, we take a two week winter break so that the team can rest and reset. So don't look for us after December 18, 19. We'll see you in the New Year.

Right? We learn to communicate these things early, but I'm not apologizing for it.

Ooh, ooh, so I'm still working on that, the apologizing part. I have from the start of my business for sure, the reason we start, just like you mentioned at the beginning, is like, I know I cannot run a business as if I don't have a chronic illness. didn't work working in a business for somebody else building their dream. It didn't work then, and it's definitely not gonna work the other way around. So.

Gwendolyn Young (39:38.318)

Yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (39:44.237)

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (39:52.515)

Right.

I have been personally, I have definitely led with, you know, this is my boundaries, this is what it is, but there's always that little, I call her a little Kida girl in the background saying, but they're gonna need you or like, you're gonna, like there's that little bit of you. I've worked on it for over eight years. It's gotten a lot quieter. I don't focus too much on it. When I hear her, I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll be all right, let's go. Really, because.

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (40:16.898)

Yes.

Nikita Williams (40:23.79)

It's not gonna help but for someone who is listening and also feeling like but you guys tell your clients that you're not gonna be available for two weeks or This or that and they're okay with it and they still pay you and they still refer you and you still have business coming in How did you get there? Like how what are some steps someone would need to take right now who is having that hard?

Absolutely.

Gwendolyn Young (40:39.178)

Yes. Yes.

Nikita Williams (40:51.118)

within themselves to be like, I deserve to have these boundaries and space in place for my business and for my clients. And it doesn't automatically mean that I'm just like gonna fail.

Yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (41:05.74)

Yes. Yes. So I think the first part is exactly what you said, Nikita. Talking to yourself, telling yourself, I deserve this. I am worth this. I don't need to earn my rest, right? I don't need to earn the opportunity to take care of me. So that's the first thing. We got to continue to do that mindset work because that little voice still comes up.

Mmm.

Gwendolyn Young (41:34.358)

I'm 12 years in and she'll still, you know, show up and I'm like, shush, shush. But then the second thing is identify what it is that you need, right? Like really spend some time and sit with what is it that I need in my business? What does that look like for me? Right? Two weeks off at the end of the year.

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (41:41.325)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (41:49.164)

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (41:59.434)

Is what that looks like for me because at the end of my fourth quarter this chick is exhausted and she like baby. If y'all don't let her go somewhere and not talk to the people y'all is not gonna like her very much. OK, that's what works for me. And again, we built up to that right? That's not something that we came out the gate doing. That was earning the trust of the clients, delivering great work over and over and over again, right? That was.

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (42:16.023)

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Gwendolyn Young (42:27.276)

communicating. So also make sure that you have a clear communication process, right? We communicate very early in the year. So it's January, our clients are already aware that we're going to be off in December, right? They're already aware of all the dates that are coming up. And we don't just do it one time. We say it over and over and over again, right? So you want to work on your mindset. You want to understand what is really important to you. What is it that you need?

define that and then put processes in place, have clear conversations with your clients, right? We took the time to understand how does us taking two weeks off at the end of the year impact our clients and their work, right? And we learned they ain't here either. Right? So it was like, I've been worrying about being off for two weeks.

you

Nikita Williams (43:05.548)

Yeah.

Nikita Williams (43:18.754)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (43:27.222)

And they're not even here because they go to. So then again, it aligns. So we have to have conversations so that we can understand what it is, because sometimes we tell ourselves these stories, right? We can't do it. It's not going to work. And that may not be the case. If we have the conversation, we learn what's important to them. And then we adapt and build around it. Right. Maybe you don't start with two weeks. Maybe you start with.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Nikita Williams (43:39.086)

Mmm.

Gwendolyn Young (43:56.856)

four days, a long weekend, right? Maybe you start with one week, but what's important to your clients, right? Are your processes and systems in place that will allow you to be off for that period of time, right? What is the set? Set the standard, right? Our team knows that before that last day, whether it's December 18th or 19th, your task list should be clear. You should have communicated with your clients before then.

Yeah. Yeah.

Nikita Williams (44:04.707)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (44:11.8)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (44:21.56)

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (44:25.14)

All of your projects are cemented, right? All of that has to be done. So we built these processes in place. So you've got to deal with your mindset. You have to know what it is that you need for you, not looking at anybody else's business, right? What do you need in your business? What do you need for you? And then clear communication with the people that you are serving. You will be surprised at how

Yeah.

Gwendolyn Young (44:54.454)

gracious people are.

when they know. When you set the expectation, you set the what if, you set the like, if this happens, this will happen. If this doesn't happen, this will happen. Like you set it up, right? Absolutely. Yeah.

Yes!

Gwendolyn Young (45:03.116)

Yay!

Gwendolyn Young (45:08.949)

Yes!

And you start small, right? You start small. You start with, let me test the waters with two days and see how that goes, right? You make sure that your client still has everything they need. There's an autoresponder on their email to say, hey, I'm out until X, Y, and Z so that even the people that are responding with me on the client's behalf, they're clear and they understand, right? So you start small.

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (45:41.859)

Yeah.

take the risk and trust yourself. Trust that the people that you support, that you work with, that you partner with are just as much invested in your wellbeing as you are in theirs.

Mmm.

And that kind of, yeah, and that goes back to what you said earlier is like when those boundaries come in place, those values, the way you market, the way you show up, yes, there's gonna be maybe, there are gonna be more no's to clients. That's, some people might consider that a negative. I feel like that's just alignment. That's just alignment in practice. Like it's just happening. So you might have to let a client go because it doesn't work, but that's just like every relationship that we have in the world with doctors, with our,

and you will be genuinely surprised.

Gwendolyn Young (46:14.346)

Yes.

Gwendolyn Young (46:21.603)

Yes.

Nikita Williams (46:29.59)

spouses are like there are boundaries in place and sometimes there is There is a consequence my mom used to say says this used to say this to me all the time Which is like there's bad and consequences for the perfect decision You cannot you cannot negate that there's gonna be some kind of fallout in the way That doesn't always work the way you think it does but that doesn't mean it was a bad decision It doesn't mean it was a bad value. It doesn't mean that your business is gonna fall apart. It just means that people are people

Absolutely.

Gwendolyn Young (46:47.339)

Absolutely.

Gwendolyn Young (46:56.826)

Absolutely. Absolutely. And here's the thing. Think about the way other businesses operate, right? This was a big thing for me. I started looking at other businesses. I was like, Walmart ain't opening the doors at 5 a.m. just because that's the time I need to go get something. They like, no, we open at so-and-so. Right?

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (47:22.552)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

The gym is like, gotta pay us every month, whether you come one day or 31 days, but we want the same amount of money, because we made the resources and the access available to you, right? And I was like, so why do we, as entrepreneurs, small businesses, women of color, think that we have to now...

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (47:39.508)

Mm-hmm.

Gwendolyn Young (47:52.086)

downgrade what we need and the way that we work to accommodate somebody else.

Mm-hmm.

Why do we do that?

Gwendolyn Young (48:06.476)

We can do good business and still have boundaries.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

We can still do good business and need to rest.

Nikita Williams (48:21.984)

And it's not, it's like, it's not, it's not an option.

We can still... No.

Right, because for us, we like, we can work together to do this or my body is gonna be like, she tried to tell you.

Reh.

Nikita Williams (48:41.378)

That part. Okay, Gwendolyn, our body will sit you down if you don't wanna be sat down. That's fine, you can do that. You'll see what that looks like in a couple of days.

Yes!

Because this body is gonna tell the truth, no matter what. Like it ain't negotiating. There is no, like, can this be the hard day tomorrow instead of today? Like it's not negotiating, right?

Hahaha!

Nikita Williams (49:14.188)

Right.

It's like, no, I showed up today and that's what it is. And you're like, okay. And so we have to allow it to sharpen our vision, sharpen what we need, right? That's instead of shrinking. We, I will say this for me, I won't say we, but I will say for me in the beginning, it was like, I thought dealing with this chronic illness.

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (49:34.599)

Mmm.

Gwendolyn Young (49:45.665)

I had to strike myself.

Mmm.

I was somehow less worthy. you give me emotional Nikita. Somehow less capable because of this.

Mmm.

Right?

Gwendolyn Young (50:08.992)

And I'm not, you're not, your audience isn't, right? Allow it to sharpen us, to sharpen the vision, to sharpen the processes we put in place, sharpen our discernment of the people we want to align ourselves with, right?

Mm.

Nikita Williams (50:17.422)

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (50:27.822)

Mm.

Nikita Williams (50:31.47)

There we go. Yep, that part is true. Yeah, it's so true. is...

We have some because.

For us, we have to build in a way that our bodies and our minds and our spirits can survive.

Nikita Williams (50:55.852)

Yeah, because I'd, and it's the same reason why, like for me, I think about it, like just like in a corporate environment, I have literally been in a job where I felt like if I don't leave this job, I will literally die. Like every aspect of me will die. It costs so much more physical pain, more depression, more all of these things. And it's like, is that really worth it? And if we're building our businesses with that,

We have to.

Gwendolyn Young (51:20.925)

Mm-hmm.

Nikita Williams (51:24.51)

same mentality of like, can just push through all of this at some point, you will not. And it will break you. It will break you and you are you're worth more than allowing something like that to break you. You know, and I love that you shared that like, let it sharpen you. I like I always say let it clarify and allow you to leverage. Right? Because

Yeah.

To me, I feel like the fact that I have chronic illness has made me a better business owner. It has made me be even more crystal clear on my strengths and how to leverage my weaknesses to increase my strength. Like it is just like, okay, this is what it is. And I think as women of color, we do that really well of being like creative and thinking about it. But I don't think we do that as well often with the businesses we're building because we are dealing with a lot of external thoughts and.

Absolutely.

Gwendolyn Young (52:18.637)

Yeah.

Nikita Williams (52:22.904)

just drama, but I think it still starts with us to rewrite that narrative for our own selves and how we show up. And then that's how things worked. And that's what we talked about today. I mean, so many good points here today.

Gwendolyn Young (52:41.848)

Bye.

I'm just full. I'm just so full. I'm so full because I don't think we need, we talk about it enough in this way, right? And so thank you for creating space and holding space to have this conversation because I think we are all rock stars, right? I think we're rock stars. If you tell me we are the cream of the crop, because tell me,

I'm so glad.

Nikita Williams (52:54.478)

Mmm.

Nikita Williams (53:03.574)

Yes!

Gwendolyn Young (53:12.886)

You know, who can build a business while negotiating with a body, right? Like that is rock-solid material right there while supporting other people in getting their vision and their mission out into the world. That is dope human behavior right there.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Nikita Williams (53:31.778)

Yeah, so. Dope. I love it. I need that on a shirt. Dope human behavior.

Okay.

Yes! That is like dope human behavior. What are we talking about?

Nikita Williams (53:49.29)

Yes. Well, I appreciate everything that you're doing in the world and bringing in the spaces in the community. I know that you're building and that you're a part of. you for raising your hand. just...

Thank you.

Nikita Williams (54:01.794)

Thanks for raising your hand. Say yes, I'll come and talk about these different topics and how it's looked like. I really appreciate you. Please tell everyone who's listening how they can find you, what it is that you can support them with specifically that you're looking for in your business right now. And we'll have all of that information in the show notes and in the emails and all the stuff that we send out.

Thank you.

Gwendolyn Young (54:20.724)

Awesome, so you guys can find me across all socials at your admin expert. The handle is the same across IG, Facebook, LinkedIn, all the things. You can also visit us on the web at yourvirtualadminexpert.com and I would love to connect with you and have a conversation. If you are a business owner who is overwhelmed or struggling with your backend systems, keeping up with your own time capacity.

I would love to have a conversation with you. We love to support visionary CEOs in helping them to build infrastructure to protect their time and to build sustainably. And so please seek me out. Let's have a conversation. I would love to get to know you. Or if you're just a fellow, you know, black woman who is struggling with this, let's connect to have a virtual coffee or something. Send me a message.

Mm.

Nikita Williams (55:16.128)

Yes, yes, I love this. Well, thank you again so much for being on and taking time to talk with us. I so appreciate it.

Yes, thank you for having me.