How To Transition From a 9 to 5 to Starting A Business While Managing Chronic Illness with Jessica Lane

Speaker 1: 0:00

Instead of trying to spread my energy and my brain out everywhere, which was just making me more tired. I was already exhausted by noon. Every day. Doing that, I think, with giving myself the freedom to say you don't have to do everything, so what do you really want to do Then? How do I shake my day around it? That was huge to me too. I know that my brain is sharpest in the morning, so I know that I'm going to do my best work from 9 am to 12 pm, and that's when I can design really awesome content and I can throw together really great curriculum, and I can't sustain that throughout the entire day.

Speaker 2: 0:44

Welcome to Crafted to Thrive, the globally ranked podcast for entrepreneurs living with chronic illness. I'm your host, nikita Williams, and after being diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses myself, I figured out the surprisingly simple missing links to growing a profitable business without compromising my health. Since then, I've helped dozens of women just like you learn how to do the same. If you're ready to own your story and create a thriving business that aligns with your health and well-being, you're in the right place. Together, we're shifting the narrative of what's possible for entrepreneurs with chronic illness. This is Crafted to Thrive. All right, I am so excited to have a fellow endow warrior on the show, and her name is Jessica Welcome welcome, welcome, thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:46

Very excited to be here.

Speaker 2: 1:48

Yes, I'm excited for you to be here too. Please tell us a little bit about who you are, where, from what you do now, and we'll jump into your journey, sure.

Speaker 1: 1:58

Well, jessica, or Jess or Jesse, however, you know me by, and I'm currently living in Miami, originally from Arizona, and then was in Chicago, austin, dc few different cities for a while and I am newly an independent consultant, launched my own consulting company earlier this year and I'm an instructional designer and global trainer.

Speaker 2: 2:28

That's awesome. I have to tell us. What does instructional designers mean?

Speaker 1: 2:34

Like what does that mean. I never know what exactly to call myself, but basically I design curriculum, workshops, trainings, anything that can be instructed, so in like a, whether that be in a virtual setting, an in-person setting. Designing content on educational topics, particularly topics of inclusion and conflict resolution, is where I focus. Nice yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:03

So how do we get here, how do we get to this new consulting business, this thing and like?

Speaker 1: 3:10

And journey.

Speaker 2: 3:13

I know that's like a big story, but I want to say first, the reason why I know Jessica is that we're in both Chronicon, which you guys know I talk about all of the time for any of my chronic illness warriors. You definitely want to check that out. It's one of the best communities I have found to find people that just allow you to be and also be there for you in the context of living with chronic illness. There's so many resources and tools and things to learn that to this day I'm so thankful for. So tell us a little bit about Jessica, how you've gotten to starting your own consulting business, because when I met you you were not doing this, you were in the corporate world.

Speaker 1: 3:55

Yes, well, actually I was working for an international development NGO in DC, so I was doing that when I had first met you and I never actually understood how people became consultants. I feel like the joke is you always hear someone say like they're a consultant and you're like so what does that mean? Like, what on earth do you do? How do you even get into that? It never made any sense to me so I was always very curious about that. But I'm sure we'll talk a little bit more about the health side of the journey. But basically I got to this point in part, to having different chronic health conditions and realizing that working a standard nine to five, which might be more of like an eight to six to seven to just a full, very full job for an organization or a company, just wasn't sustainable for me anymore. I've been working for other companies, pretty like intense jobs, for basically about 15 years, which was fine for a while. You know it's very. I think a lot of it was very exciting, like especially in my twenties, where it was like, oh, I get to do all these interesting things and travel all over the place and I had like boundless energy. But then all that shifted for me about four ish years ago and I tried to hold on to kind of more of this standard is the word, but you know this type of a job where you work kind of a nine to five. I tried to hold on for a few years and and I did for those few years but then, yeah, then just learned I just couldn't, couldn't do it anymore and I was just exhausting myself and I felt like really not I don't know if it was just my own perception, but I feel like I wasn't really fulfilling the role like I would have needed to be at the level I was at at that point. So it made a lot more sense for someone else in my opinion, from my own personal experience, for someone else to come in and do that role, someone who could manage like a huge team and run these like really big events and all this type of stuff that I just wasn't able to do anymore. So I guess that's like sort of a long story kind of short. That. I realized and I can go into any more detail that you'd like but there was kind of a point in the fall where I just realized like I can't, just can't do it anymore and I needed to make that change, yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:26

So what was that moment like I think we've all like if anyone's been in an environment where you are working like a nine to five and working on everybody else's expectation right, Because that's what's happening, Like everyone's expectation is like we go from one A to like Z in like two seconds. You're like no, no, no, no, I need to crawl to like a point A Right.

Speaker 1: 6:52

Like I'm going a little slower these days.

Speaker 2: 6:54

So yeah, and you're, and you want to tell everyone like, well, well, well, we can still get there. It's just going to be a little bit less of a pace. Yeah, when did that realization for you? Because I know you were just saying like it just felt, like you felt someone else could do it. What made that in your head? Say, now is the time, like, I don't need to do this anymore, like that.

Speaker 1: 7:19

Yeah, yeah, I was. The moment for me was I was in Washington DC. So the organization I worked for it was an international education like global development organization and we had our second conference of the year in DC. So I traveled again from Miami to DC and this was a week long conference with 150 attendees from all over the world. So it was really big and I was kind of managing pretty sure at that point like managing the team and managing all of it with an amazing team, everyone. That was like the hardest part of making the decision to go solo. It was like I really love my team. So the people I worked with were really amazing. But it was a very rigorous require, not even just the physical rigor of being in person running a conference, leading different sessions, having to be on that stage, having to talk, but the amount of brain capacity needed to be able to do that for, again, minimum of eight hours a day. It was a lot more than that because of pre-conference closing meetings, all this stuff. It was very intense and at the end of I think it was was it at the very end of the week, I think so I was just so exhausted and my body was in so much pain from the fibromyalgia, so that's one of the chronic conditions I have, just burning pain. I would get back to my hotel room every day and just be like I have no idea how I'm gonna move tomorrow, like how is this? And I still had to do some work, calls and this, and that I'm like, oh, this is so intense. And then also working through the brain fog when I had to speak in front of everyone. It was just it's very hard to explain brain fog.

Speaker 2: 9:16

So I know, you know it. So it's like it is so hard to explain.

Speaker 1: 9:19

Yeah, it's very hard to explain. And the moment for me was there was an award ceremony at the end. We were really giving certificates of completion and I would have been the person to stand on stage and like do the formal handshaking, while like pictures were taken and I like could not move, I couldn't. There was no way I could stand upright. Like I was using my cane at that point, which I need sometimes if I'm gonna be on my feet for most of the day, and even that I mean I'm barely honestly, it barely helps. It's just kind of like helps with a little bit of stability when I need to move. And I just couldn't do it. I had to ask a colleague, like literally I think it was five minutes before I was like is there any way you can do this instead of me? I just I'm so sorry, I just cannot stand. I cannot like appear to look like healthy and vibrant and like engaged, and I know it was hard on her. She wasn't prepared at all to do that and I think it was in that moment that I felt that mix of again, this is my opinion, I'm not sure colleagues felt this way, but like I felt like A. I just couldn't fulfill what my role needed and I was leaning on a lot of other people maybe more than they wanted, right, you know, ideally that person probably wouldn't have wanted to do that. And then I was also really upset that I couldn't do that anymore and it was just like this whole mix. And then I was also in so much pain that it was this confounding of everything. And then everyone afterwards was like celebrating all this stuff and I just went to my hotel room and just had to like lay flat for hours. And it was then that I'm like I just can't do this type of a role anymore. And those were the things that used to make me like so excited in the past. And I used to stay like so energized and like love that evening celebration at the end of the conference, and I just knew that like my body, if I wanted to give my body an actual chance in life, then I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. But that was the moment it was very upsetting. I called a friend and was like I don't know what to do. I just can't, I can't do this anymore. So, yeah, that was my like pivotal moment of knowing like 100% I've got to make a change. That's my first change, yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:52

Wow, I feel that, like my fibro body feels that in so many different ways. Like when you're telling that story, I have, I know, that feeling of like I have pushed, I have gone to the limit and beyond that limit and there is no. I feel that so much and it's also makes me really sad because of the fact that, like I don't think anybody's body is intended to work like that Healthy or not right Like, when I say healthy, I mean healthy in the context of like not dealing with some of the chronic illnesses that we deal with. I feel like everyone needs more space in their life for dealing with things and just processing all of that information and energy in that environment. So I feel feel free for that, like I want to hold space for that, like I really just want to like pause. I mean, like y'all, please, please, send some positive love vibes to Jessica. It's hard, it's hard. It's so hard to get to that point and you're like realizing what you love to do, cause it sounds like you really love that job, that environment to then be like something has to change. And it's not because I don't love it, it's just that I can't.

Speaker 1: 13:16

Yeah, yeah, you said it exactly right. It's a really to strange realization of right. There's this passion I have, but I'm going to have to figure out a different way of doing this and I have no idea what that looks like and that feels like super scary. And I think it was also in that moment where I realized that a big part of me was just still holding on to like, oh, but I'm sure if I just do all the right things, that I'll be able to push through eventually, Like it's gotta. Just I'm sure it'll get real smooth soon. And right, it was like, oh, not so much Like that's not exactly how things work. And so it was a moment, too for me to I don't wanna say like the word to have more like confidence in the fact that, like things have changed. Or maybe it was a little bit of, or maybe a phase of that grieving process that I needed to have, of learning that I couldn't just like, I just wasn't gonna be that rubber band and I needed to like form a new shape instead of like trying to be an elastic rubber band that I was never gonna be. You know, I don't know if that metaphor makes any sense.

Speaker 2: 14:42

No, it makes a lot of sense. It makes me think of the song what is it Sia? Is it Sia or is it Lady Gaga who sings that song, elastic? And she literally says that phrase of like I'm not an elastic band, like I can only stretch it so far, but anyway, it just made me think of that. I love music, so I usually hear things and I'm like it just helps me. So let's talk a little bit about cause. I wanna come back to something you just said, but I wanna talk a little bit more about. What does Fibromyalgia, endometriosis, look like in your life? And you said something about like I thought I could do all the right things and fit in this world. What does that mean? Good questions.

Speaker 1: 15:25

For me it meant that I thought I was just gonna get my own life back. And, yeah, well, I'll answer your first question first. But I, yeah, I was always just like a super active, super social like, and that was part of why I love my job so much too. Was you know? It was like, oh, can you run a workshop in Latvia next week? Okay, sure, I'll hop on a plane and the you know, and just a 24 hour notice, or you know whatever it was, and it was like I loved that stuff. I found it just so fun, even though sometimes I literally would sleep for 24 hours when I got back home. But I was like it's all worth it, I can handle this. So for me, like the endometriosis even though I have had endometriosis for ever, I had symptoms that were mainly a monthly, like with menstruation, but it was incredibly debilitating. So every month, just like I mean even from high school, just like missing school, all that kind of stuff. I wish I knew at the time that that was one of the signs, but no one talked about it.

Speaker 2: 16:30

Yeah, still does it. Yeah still. That board doesn't even get talked about as much anymore.

Speaker 1: 16:35

Yeah, just like just so debilitated of a sickness you know, like the vomiting, the shaking, the everything fever, all of it. So that was how it has been for me for a really long time. Of course, this is a very similar story to a lot of people. I was put on birth control at like 14, which sort of masked some of the symptoms, but I still didn't really understand like I would still get like so bloated, like so swollen all sorts of things you know, still have extremely painful periods, you know, just being on like an ibuprofen round every four hours for like five days out of the month, and anyway, this all kind of leaded up to my early 30s well, sort of late 20s, early 30s, where it was manageable, like I still felt, like I was able to kind of live my life relatively freely, although one of the things I learned is that not everyone plans their lives around pain, so I guess I wasn't living my life as that was my normal.

Speaker 2: 17:39

what are you?

Speaker 1: 17:39

talking about. Yeah, I'm like, oh, you guys don't have to plan, like when you're taking trips or when you're gonna like do I don't know, do a celebration or do whatever, and like what types of foods you eat and what did you know all this stuff? Like I've had a gluten intolerance, dairy intolerance and, as we know, you know, gut issues are major with endometriosis and fibromyalgia. So, yeah, in my late 20s I just kind of also started to just like consistently bleed like every single day of the year, and doctors had like no idea you know what was going on, even though all again these are like some of the key symptoms of endometriosis.

Speaker 2: 18:12

Like literally, like literally, you go to the hall and you put this in, it is textbook.

Speaker 1: 18:17

Yes, I never even had heard the word ever Me either, yeah. Yeah, and then in my early 30s, that's when it got really bad, that's when the severe pain was pretty much nonstop. So you know, for some time it would be only three days a month, four days a month, and it would be a week in a month. Then they turn into like two full weeks in a month. You know, just not sleeping, vomiting, the nausea, unable to keep down food. You know all the terrible symptoms. So I had finally found a doctor at that point who was like you know what? I wonder if this is endometriosis? And I'm like how come you've never mentioned this word to be ever?

Speaker 2: 18:56

Oh my gosh why is it that story sounds so like? It's like so common. It's like the last of the last words you hear and you're like, and they're not even saying with certainty, they're just like oh, I think it might be endometriosis.

Speaker 1: 19:10

Yeah, they're like I wonder if I'm just gonna throw out some crazy theory. And I'm like I went home and started researching it and I'm like, oh, this is exactly what I have. I literally have every single symptom, like so anyway, that was very upsetting because I was always taught that if you just put your mind to things, you can power through and overcome anything. And I was like, wait a second, what's happening? Because I've tried I've been doing this for 20 years to try and like power through. And why isn't it working? So I did have a first excision surgery which actually ended up doing a bit more damage than you know. Hopefully I thought it was. You know, I was told you'll be pain free after the surgery, which a doctor should never say to anyone anyway, never, never.

Speaker 2: 19:59

And if a doctor says that to you, either call them out for it or fire them.

Speaker 1: 20:04

There's so many things I wish I knew. I was just so desperate at that point, you know, like I hadn't slept in a couple of weeks, like I was losing weight left and right. I was like I couldn't focus on my work. I was taking so much sick time. I was like, if you tell me to do anything, I will do it. I will do it in the next one minute, anything Like I need to get out of the state of being so, and that's unfortunately what happens with a lot of people. It's that like such a vulnerable and desperate place to be in, when, like, your life is consumed by these conditions, that when a doctor says, oh, I've got something that can help you, it's like, oh, my God, okay, I'll do anything you say so I wish I knew at that time to just do more research. But I also understand, like, why I, you know, made the decision I made and I was like just get me into surgery as soon as you can. So the doctor wasn't. What I've learned is that the doctor was an OPGYN and so most of the time she spent delivering babies, and so what I learned is I really need to go to a true excision specialist. So when I wasn't recovering after that, I did a bunch of research connected with tons of people virtually in the endometriosis communities, and that led me to the center for endometriosis care actually in Atlanta, which honestly, I, like I say, saved my life because I could still barely move. I was like very depressed, extremely depressed, because I was like what's happening to my life, like I was supposed to get the surgery that was going to change things, and why am I still vomiting? Why can I still barely move? Why is this pain? Like you know, every night it's like well, not sure if I'll make it. You know it's like very scary to go through. Yeah, so that surgery was like truly life-saving, and he had found that like my ovaries refused to the side of my body and my appendix was twisted, there was endometriosis in different places and then I also had adenomyosis, so a uterine condition.

Speaker 2: 22:09

And she did not see that or notice that before. Oh my God.

Speaker 1: 22:13

She never even mentioned it. I don't even know if she knew that it existed, so she never mentioned it. No one had ever mentioned that word to me ever. Also, so with that surgery I was just like. I told this surgeon I was like, do anything you need Like, if you need to remove organs from like anything. My goal is to be able to live my life, not to preserve fertility. So I did get a hysterectomy, which I'm like incredibly thankful for. I know it's not an easy choice for a lot of people. For me, thankfully, it was easy to make and that surgery helped incredibly with the endometriosis pain. But I still wasn't like regaining mobility after. I still had like widespread pain all over my body after my energy was low. So I was like what is going on? And anyway, through many months of going to different doctors, realized I had also developed fibromyalgia.

Speaker 2: 23:05

Yeah, it is usually in that order too right, like I want everyone to know that, especially women living with endometriosis. I mean, first was endo and then the diagnosis for fibromyalgia, and it makes a lot of sense for so many different reasons when you do the research on how fibromyalgia works. Like all of that stored trauma of like not knowing and being in pain and constantly like masking it with different things that they told us to do creates a lot of what fibromyalgia is created from. It's all of the systematic pain that we've kind of just ignored in this hypersensitivity to pain that we just kind of push through.

Speaker 1: 23:45

So yeah, absolutely. I know it made complete sense because really the body isn't meant to endure that much pain over time. You know consistently, and it makes sense that the nervous system would not be able to handle that and goes haywire. You know, and that's you know. At least that's what they think at this point. But Femme, and my Alja is, but yeah, so that was the journey.

Speaker 2: 24:16

That's my long-term story. Yeah, that's a big journey. I just wanna like I love that you are open to share that part of the journey, because I don't think we hear it, we don't know it, we can't even. I was at a store recently and, like several years ago, this woman was at the cash register and she looked like I know it's so funny. I feel like I know the face of an Indo patient right the moment. I feel like when they're saying like I'm on my cycle, there's a difference between someone who says I'm on my cycle, who doesn't have endometriosis, and someone who does and she said oh, and who says this Like, first of all, who says this, while you're shopping to a stranger, like I'm on my cycle and I feel like I'm gonna die, who says that to someone you've never met before? This young lady and I was just looking at her and I said you need to go to a doctor and ask them about endometriosis and she said what is that? And I was like I told her and she's like, oh my gosh, she's like literally last night I was just thinking about what can I do to make this go away. Maybe I should just fall asleep and I was telling her like these are the things that we're experiencing, right, and no one talks about what it looks like living through Indo, because we are told that our periods are supposed to be horribly painful and horribly like. This is a woman's curse, our issue, right, and it's like what does that? That doesn't help us.

Speaker 1: 25:46

Yeah, it doesn't. And it gets to the point. You know, at least for me, and it sounds like possibly for you and this other woman too, and I mean many of us is that it's not that we don't want to keep living a beautiful life, it's that we have no idea how or if it's even possible to live with as much pain all the time. So it's like it's a very scary feeling of I have no idea how I'm gonna keep living like this. And I mean there were. I know that endometriosis had different severity levels for different people, but there were definitely times when we were I'm like I gotta figure something out, because there's no way like this disease. The weird thing with endometriosis is that it's not a disease that is going to kill you per se, but there's plenty of people who do like commit suicide or people who it just leads to all these other things that can really like destroy your life, and it's a very scary feeling that can be very isolating. And then the shame that comes with it because we're told, oh, just take Advil, you'll be fine, like this is just part of being a woman, like you said, and I think that's part of why I've been really open with sharing about my experience, because I just never thought this stuff was normal. I was like this can't be normal, like there's no way this is supposed to be like how my body's supposed to be. And, yeah, I just wish I knew what this was earlier and I wish I knew that I didn't need to be ashamed of it and that there was no way I could have somehow like overcome that type of pain just by like I don't know, being stronger or whatever, like that's not, like we have so much strength, just by getting up every day with this type of pain. So, yeah, I share very openly because I had never heard anyone talk about this stuff ever and I just feel like there's no place for like shame or stigma, like that stuff just has to be shattered, because this is so common and a lot of people just need to not feel so alone in it. You know they need to know what's going on and how to get the help that they need.

Speaker 2: 28:20

So you were saying earlier you kind of touched on it when we first started talking about this which was like you were thinking that trying to do everything right would mean that you would be able to stay, like, at the job, do the thing that you were doing through a job. What did that mean for you? Because I have lots of stories about what doing things right meant for me, but what did it mean for you?

Speaker 1: 28:46

Yeah, it was well. I mean, with the endometriosis it was basically like get the surgeries, you know, eat healthy, have a low inflammatory diet, exercise, all those types of things, you know, I don't know, like relaxing candles that night and meditate, like then I would just be able to like just snap back into regular life. And with the fibromyalgia what it meant is like it is, you know, because they go through kind of five. I don't know if this is still common, but at least my rheumatologist went through kind of the five areas that need to be addressed, like sleep, nutrition, medication, mental health if you're getting the fifth one but these different areas. So it was like, okay, I'm gonna address all five of those areas and I'm going to make sure I'm active, even though movement seems absolutely impossible, but I'm going to somehow move. I'm gonna do my physical therapy. I'm gonna. You know, I was in physical therapy for endometriosis as well, for about two years in pelvic floor physical therapy and then, paired with that, regular physical therapy for the fibromyalgia. So I was like, if I just keep doing that, I'll get so much better, I'll be able to start running again, I'll be able to do all this stuff. The nutrition I've always eaten pretty healthy, so thankfully that wasn't like a huge life shift for me. But you know, cutting out alcohol, all that kind of stuff, if I figured out my sleep, you know I went through all of those categories. You know I had a good therapist. I did, you know, a kind of trauma type of therapy for the complex PTSD that came from all of this targeting all of these things. You know, if I got my sauna bed and so I used to lay in my sauna and I do my massage therapy and I do like literally I researched everything I could and did everything the doctors told me and then I also did like a neural reprocess, neural retraining program to try to reprocess pain and pain management and you know all these different things and some of the stuff you know absolutely has helped. I mean I was like I guess it was about two and a half years ago when I got the fibromyalgia diagnosis. I was not very mobile, you know, I couldn't walk for more than a few minutes, all of that. So I definitely have improved for sure. So for me it was like if I just do all those things right, you know I'm just gonna do exactly what the doctors say I'm gonna oh, I'm also gonna get my pain management doctor, I'm gonna take the medications I need to take all the things. Then I would just be able to go back to how I could operate before, and what I've learned is that I needed to shift the way I was thinking about things that like, yes, if I do all the things you know quote, unquote right, I will hopefully improve some of the symptoms or make it more manageable. But I'm not going to be that exact person I was before and I therefore cannot fit in to some of the structures that I was fitting into before. And then I needed to create my own and I needed to learn what I am capable of doing that doesn't deplete me, that actually like fills me up. And then, what are the things that I'm trying to still do that I'm just absolutely like exhausted by so yeah, it's been, it was a hard process, still is. I mean, it's ongoing. Honestly, every day I'm still like can I do that? What am I, or you know, kind of trying to build up a little bit more with movement? You know all of that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 32:40

Yeah, how has that process, Jessica, like help you with creating the business that you are doing now, with your consulting? Because, like you said, I mean it would be great if we could go to our HR department and be like, hey, so this is my new life now and these are the kind of activities that work really great for me right now and they fill my cup and then, like, I need to have like these kind of things like HR. I really am so excited that you're going to do this for me. Like right Doesn't mean I'm just like well, you have to be so nice, but it doesn't work like that. And to me, that's the empowerment of having your own business, is being able to literally be your person, of being like this is what I need. These are the activities that help me not only just like make a living, but also help me physically, mentally, living with chronic illness, to like thrive in a way, in my own definition of thriving. How has all of that, all of this that you've come, you know, tried to kind of put into a, you know, a box of you will to inform life now for your business?

Speaker 1: 33:50

Yeah, it's, it's. That's a good question. And you know I will say that the company I was at before was great with you know. Obviously I mean they had to legally speaking also, you know adhere to FMLA and short term disability and then I was on partial long term disability and so, very respectful, I never felt any like pressure in that way. It was more of when you know longer, qualify for partial disability and then it's like becomes quite tricky to manage a full time job. So for me, I think what I realized is that I don't have the stamina, both physically and mentally, to be able to produce such like a large quantity of work every single day and to like kind of always be on and to have so many dimensions of my work. I think that was part of it that I realized in starting my own thing. I need to focus in my job. Before as, like a manager, I was looking at, you know, a million different things every day and that wasn't working for me anymore. It was too I needed to to give out too much energy all the time and I wanted to really care about the people I supervised. I wanted all those things that meant a lot to me. I wanted to still hold on to the things I cared about doing in the world, without all that extra stuff that comes along with working for a larger company, like supervising I mean as amazing as supervising can be just for me at this point it didn't make sense anymore to do the supervision, but contributing to all the different things in the company that, as a full-time staff, you're meant to contribute to All of these different things. I realized, okay, what I truly love is this type of social impact work, where I get to design curricula, I get to lead workshops. So I want to figure out how to focus in, and that's how I think I'm able to actually show up with energy and show up in a genuine way, instead of trying to spread my energy and my brain out everywhere, which was just making me more tired. I was already exhausted by noon every day doing that. So, I think, with giving myself the freedom to say okay, you don't have to do everything, so what do you really want to do? And then how do I shape my day around it? And that was huge to me too. I know that my brain is sharpest in the morning, so I know that I'm going to do my best work from 9am to 12pm and that's when I can design really awesome content, I can throw together really great curriculum, and I can't sustain that throughout the entire day. So I was able to also make my schedule in a way that I think worked a lot better for me, and I hope I'm answering your question, because I'm sort of forgetting exactly what.

Speaker 2: 36:58

I'm asking no, exactly no, you're answering the question, and it's interesting because when I talk to other warriors, one of literally my business as a coach is literally helping women and whoever wants to come into my world figure out what is the real them underneath all of the stuff that we've experienced and the things we've gone through and how to create and craft a business and life. So it's not just like when I feel like when you have the choice of creating your own business, you have a choice of creating a business that serves your life, but you have to know what that is. You have to know what you want from that life in order for the business to ever be in alignment with that. Right and I think that's what you're saying is like, what is it that I first really enjoy or like? What do I want, what do I like and how can I create that world for me in my business? And I think that's for someone who's just getting started, that's the place to start, which is like totally polar opposite, I feel like, from all of the content that you will hear from anybody who doesn't talk about living with chronic illness and running a business. They talk about all of these things, about it being about the other people that you're going to serve. It's all about what do they want, listen to what they need, do it when they say, and then like well, that was the case, I would be working for you know, a W2 job, but I have chosen to work my own business and, as a chronic illness warrior, I'm choosing to live and create a business that works for me, not against me, and I think that's what you are saying, just like really taking the time to set back and do that.

Speaker 1: 38:36

Yeah, yeah, I mean it did take a lot, like it's the last year. I had a lot of conversations with a lot of people so I was like I have no idea how to do this or how to start something and how to like how. How do other people do this? So a lot of conversations, read a lot of books yeah, just really thought through all of it to see, like, what could be possible and how. Yeah, what is it that I want to focus in on? And I think what's been exciting about all of it is that I had these, like the moment I talked about earlier at that conference, like not being able to like stand on the stage and then worrying like does that mean I'm never going to be able to like lead workshops again and do this stuff like I really love. But what I realized is OK, I can't do that over an eight hour day, but yeah, but what I can do is I can come in and lead like an awesome two hour workshop and I can keep people engaged, I can, and then I can see like what do people want to learn? But and then that becomes that conversation and I'm actually much more effective if I do it in these shorter periods of time Instead of trying to like really stretch myself thin, and I get more excited about the subject matter too now, because it's in things that you know, I was doing a workshop on conflict resolution a couple of months ago in Houston and I was like, oh, this is so exciting. I'm like reminded that I like love talking about this stuff. And it was. Yes, I still, you know, it's still very tricky to be able to travel and it's still, you know, I have to manage my health a lot and there certainly are moments that are very difficult and still going through the grief of stuff. But I also felt that spark again of like, oh, this is so fun, like I can stand up on here on this podium and deliver this and be engaging and, you know, help people learn something that they were wanting to learn, and it doesn't have to look like what I thought it was going to look like. And that's okay and that's kind of exciting, or actually not just kind of it's like really exciting.

Speaker 2: 40:52

I love that you shared that. It's the possibilities that we kind of in our head sometimes dismiss right, the things where, like the thing we really want, we think like, well, now that I can't do it in this very specific way, I can't do it, so now I have to completely come up with something I've never done before and it's like it doesn't actually have to happen that way. So I love that you shared that and I think the biggest takeaway from that is really like leaning into the fact that reach out to people, ask questions, have that community. That's one of the biggest resources, literally that has changed my life. Living with chronic illness is knowing that there are people who know something I don't know, right, like there were things that I didn't know, things at Chronicon that we learned just about. The point about, when you go to the doctor's office, you have seven minutes, seven, five to seven minutes to talk to the doctor and you're like, oh my gosh, this makes so much more sense. But you feel more empowered to be like, oh, I know I need to go in there with all of my ducks in the row, right, and it's like that information is not information, everyone's just sharing you know, right, and so like what you were saying it's just that community.

Speaker 1: 42:04

Yeah, oh, it means everything. I think that there's no way I would ever be anywhere close to where I am in my health journey and career stuff, and all of this without community. I remember just feeling that isolation like we talked about earlier, just being like what is going on, just that pit of isolation, that horrible feeling, that pit of loneliness. Then realizing wait a second, I don't have to feel this way, there is community. I think that finding for me it was a matter of finding the right fit for community in different ways. With finding ChronicCon, I know we both feel the same way. It wasn't about my symptoms. A lot of communities tend to focus on, at least in the chronic health world, it can become that way. Then for me it was too close to home and just re-traumatizing every time I would log on to the group chat or whatever it was. But when I found ChronicCon I was like ah yes, this is the right community for me. We want to live these beautiful, vibrant lives. We've realized, or in the process of realizing wait a second, this might need to look different than I thought. We're allowed to feel sad, we're allowed to feel depressed about that, we're allowed to be scared. All those emotions and also how can we find hope, how can we find joy? I think by being in this community and being in some other communities I'm in, I've learned so much, like you said, and learning from other people how they've managed to find joy while also still feeling pain. I don't know about you, but I talk about this a lot because it's a profound realization for me personally. I always thought that you had to find a way to get rid of as much pain as possible. What I've learned through so many of our conversations is that it's never going to be possible and I'll just keep being dissatisfied for the rest of my life. With the endo, with the fibromyalgia, I was like, okay, I've got to figure out how to get rid of all this pain and be pain-free, then I'll feel happy. It's like, oh no, that's actually not how things will work and not how I want it to work, because I'm never going to get to a point in my life where there's like zero pain, whether it be emotional, physical. maybe there'll be moments, but that's not sustainable. Realizing that I can also feel joy and laugh and watch a comedy movie, even if my body hurts, and still feel happy, that was a major life shift.

Speaker 2: 45:08

Yeah, it's this and versus this, or it's literally that flip in your brain of like I think we've all had that right when it's like I'm going to be in this pain and we kind of submit to the pain being literally the big havern. For me personally, hope was always there. I always had a hope, like a spiritual hope for me, like in the future, that this will be over and da-da-da-da, but like right now it was like this sucks, this sucks, and you want me to go and have fun, like on a boat somewhere and hang out with you and be like I've got a pain, like that does not happen.

Speaker 1: 45:44

You want me to be on a boat and pretend I'm not in pain.

Speaker 2: 45:46

Okay, like I don't know how to find joy in that, but I feel like a lot of us have found, like it's not that, this or it's the same, like where can you find those this and and and like really lean into your hope, really lean into, like, the good things that have come from as strange as that thing, like the good things that have come from living with this pain and the different things that we have been. You know, the things we've learned about ourselves. Even so, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 46:17

Yeah, it's so true. And it's yeah, it's interesting because, like I never, I think one of my potential fears in life was like that that life wouldn't be, or that somehow it would be like boring, that I wouldn't be taking full advantage of life, that like all the things that life gives us, that like what I'd be tapping into all of that and what I'd be, I don't know, just living fully. And for me, with the chronic illness diagnosis, then I had that fear of like oh wait, am I going to be living this like teeny, tiny life only on my couch forever? But what I've realized is, as I've gone through and that's something major that again I wish I knew in like year one or year two of struggling with all this is like I just need to keep moving through it because it has opened up like so many more things for me, and I mean I would never wish like a lot of these symptoms on anyone. But at the same time it's like I've met like incredible people like you and so many other people in the community and elsewhere that like have truly changed my life and have allowed me to also like feel my emotions in a way that I like never could have before, and I think that's what showed me like the strength and being vulnerable which I never knew before either. Like I've learned all these different things and to like appreciate life even more. Like I already thought I was living very fully and appreciating life very fully, but like one of the things that came from all of this is that I moved from DC to Miami to be close to the beach. I knew that I needed the beach and I thought I was going to have to wait till I was way older and retired and somehow figured out how on earth to live at the beach. But you know, a year into all these symptoms, about a year in, I figured out how to move down here, thankfully, and I mean that's like enriched my life. As you know, I post like pictures of birds and manatees and sunrises like every single day, but I'm not sure that would have ever happened to me, at least for another like 30 years or I don't know when I'm going to actually be able to retire. But yeah, there are certain amazing things that can come by, just like continuing to move through it, acknowledging that it's still really hard and that there's some like really amazing things that have come about because of this.

Speaker 2: 48:50

Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I really think that's a huge thing for us all to hear. It's like keep going right, keep moving through it. It's hard and sometimes you might need to pause. Like let's be real, you might just need to sit in it and like cry and eat the ice cream You're not supposed to eat about it and then pick up and keep going. You know what I'm saying? Like I think that's a huge, huge thing to honor and to say Please tell us, you know how we can support you in your journey and your business and in your life. What kind of people do you like working with and where could we find them? Or who are people that they might want to send your way? Yeah, great question.

Speaker 1: 49:35

I mean I love, again, like developing the curriculum, developing workshops, content, leading these workshops, so anyone from, like, people at corporations or global companies, because a lot of my experience is in, you know, doing workshops for people from all different countries and backgrounds, so anyone who could find that useful. I think the area of conflict, the area of diversity, equity, inclusion of disability inclusion these are really big topics that are at least finally starting to be somewhat addressed. But there's also pushback, you know, because they are being addressed. So the people I really love to work with are those that are either social impact oriented or social justice oriented or human rights oriented, or are curious about like, what on earth does that mean? No, might be like, well, I care about people in my company or I care about, I don't know, my sister works for this company, but she's saying this about our team and they can't figure out how to work together, and you know, so, people who are curious, who want to learn and want to kind of figure out like, how do? How is diversity something that's positive and can lead to like really awesome things. So those are the people I love working with. Awesome, yeah.

Speaker 2: 50:58

So where are you on the world internet, wise, social.

Speaker 1: 51:03

Internet wise. I do have an Instagram. I can't say it's. You know, I don't do a ton of reels of me dancing, so don't expect any dancing yet, but you know who knows? But my Instagram is my first initials of Jay and then Lane, so J L A N E consulting. That's the Instagram handle. My website is Jessica Lane consultingcom. And then I also have an Instagram specifically for endometriosis. Is like a business or anything but to share accurate and independent and by independent I mean non-pharma funded information on endometriosis. So if anyone thinks they have endometriosis or knows someone who has it or knows they have it, but it's very confused. I pull in information from a lot of awesome people who share really accurate stuff and I pull that all onto one Instagram page. So that's the handle on Instagram is endometriosis together.

Speaker 2: 52:07

Okay, I think I follow that and I will put that in. I'll put all of this in the show notes and I will also add your I didn't, I don't think I why I didn't think about this, but I have like an endow warrior, like mini series that also has a resource toolkit, that I have links to stuff like that. So I'll put that in there, now that I have been reminded to do so, so awesome. Well, thank you so much for being on the show, jessica. This has been just lovely to hear your journey and just so heartwarming. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 52:39

Thank you so much, nikita, appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 52:42

That's a wrap, y'all. Thanks for tuning in to Crafted to Thrive, the podcast that helps entrepreneurs with chronic illness to thrive and build a holistic business and life. Check out our website at CraftedToThrivecom for this episode show notes and all the gifts and goodies. Connect with me on Instagram at thrivewithnikita for more tips and behind the scenes and more Tap me to share what you loved about this episode and I'll feature you on an upcoming episode. So until next time, remember, yes, you are crafted to thrive.